**心情写照：从Enlightened Warrior Training Camp 回来之后，更了解自己，也更了解自己未来的路怎么走。很感谢那个让我赌上身上最后一块钱的你，是你让我了解我的障碍，让我现在可以很放心的往前冲。 我答应你， 总会有那么一天，我一定会和众人分享我们之间的荣誉。这是我们之间的诺言。谢谢你对我的信任。**
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Dear Best, a.k.a "Fire",
Today is the last day of the warrior camp. I have learnt a lot. In Predicament, I have learnt to have no fear. Actually I already knew that if I was caught in a situation, I will not have fear. What I did not know was that if I was in a predicament, I exhibited more anger than fear. That set me thinking. It dawned to me that I have been suppressing my anger all these years instead of letting it go. I have shown my aggressiveness in order to tell myself to have no fear. I have learnt in times of confrontation, I must have "no fear". I need to stay grounded, stay focus, focus on the problem with no emotions and take a step at a time to conquer any predicament.
The second rotation was my favourite, which was Purification. About 80 of us had to be cooped up in a tent, covered in complete darkness, hot and sweaty. We had to do this 4 times. The process is to let go of the past, replace our darkness with strength, seek enlightenment and find clarity and work on the foundation. I realised sadness was eating me up for the past 3 years since I moved out. I could not let go of my Mum's expectations of me and her claim for the cause of her stroke. It was a heavy baggage to carry for 3 years. Then I realised, I do not need her approval. I am who I am and I have my own value in this world. I must not let her stupidity hinder my own personal progress.
Along the way, I put down my fears. I always fear I may fail, and a lot of what ifs. I forgot to live in the present. What ifs do not exist. I realise the scariest thing in this world is your mind. It is like a joker. Strangely in midst of darkness, I was able to focus and tell myself that I will be able to find my own light in this dark tunnel, somehow my fears seemed to diminish and I realise I FEAR NOTHING! I just need to be focus and I can even see light in darkness.
I think the most humbling experience I have gotten from Purification is compassion. I have learnt "truth without compassion breeds retaliation". After being cooped up in the hot and sweaty tent, "compassion" comes in the form of sprinkle of water. As Hawk said, that is how true compassion is and everyone at most of the times have forgotten how true compassion is. For me, I have learnt. If I have to say the truth, I must always remember the feel of what true compassion is. It taught me a valuable lesson.
The second round of Purification was for our loved ones. I finally had a conversation with my late father. It was not until many years later that I see the agony he was living in then. I never allowed myself to receive any compassion from him and I never gave him the chance. It was a knot that was being untied. Sometimes, we had to look at the bigger picture to understand the details. I forgive him and thank him for being the man he was for be brought out the Best in ME!. Thank you father for giving me a chance to say thank you.
The third round of Purification was for myself to receive. I asked the universe to allow me to receive all the efforts I have given out, be it work, family. Finally I had a chance to say "I deserve the good things" and no more would I be giving out without looking to receive. The fourth round of Purification was about Gratitude. I say "thank you" to those who loved me, believed in me and especially to the one who tried to make me climb over my own hurdle, for I am truly humbled by your faith and love in me.
In Purification, it was a simple four steps.
1. State your clear intent.
2.Drive towards your intention.
3.What are you willing to give for your intention (Exchange of Transaction)
4. Receive From the Universe
The third rotation was Playground. After 2 days, it was time for Play. There were 4 stations. In first station "Leap Of Faith", we had to climb about 10-20 meters above the ground, state our name and what we are jumping for. For me, it was most memorable. When I saw the obstacle, it reminded me of the boat dive I had to do in Maldives and I was overcome with fear that hindered my jump. I told myself I will not let that happen. I started to visualise myself climbing up the stairs. Suddenly Michael Jordan came to my mind, his classic leaping into the air before going for a slam dunk. I replayed in my mind at least 4-5 times. When it came to me, I had already jumped for 4-5 times so it was easy! Without hesitation, I shouted " I AM JUMPING FOR FREEDOM" and bang I was down. My buddy in diving was surprised I took the plunge so fast. She was worried I would have a mind block.
I have learnt visualisation helped a lot. In addition, I have to conquer my own fears without hesitation. The more I hesitated, the more time and energy is wasted and the more mind frick comes in. It is a case of do not think too much, fire then aim for you know that everything will be all right in the end!
In Multi Vine, I learnt that actually I can be strong and support my friend too. She started out later, so I had to crossed more vine in order to achieve our goals faster. I learnt I can take the lead too and be someone's pillar of strength in time of needs. In Trust V, trust is extremely important. I am honoured to be able to do this exercise with my best friend in life. It was an extremely important lesson learnt. We had to rely on both of us working hand in hand to cross the obstacles. Trust is utmost importance and without trust, this exercise cannot be carried out. Finally in the last major obstacle, it was the Giant Ladder. That was a huge challenge. You can only depend on your partner to help you to progress. I started to get frustrated because we could not get up at the same plank, but A Warrior Do Whatever It takes. The greatest realisation from this exercise was I thought my team did the best for we climbed to the third plank only to realise that other teams had completed to the top. So, I have learnt to set my yardstick higher for higher achievement. Set your expectations higher for greater things in life!
The last challenge is Peak. Well, for a regular trekker, the route is not really that challenging. The challenge was made harder because we had to carry bricks and water tanks. We had 3 people who dropped out of the group, so extra 9 bricks had to be circulated among the group and the 4-5 water tanks. The biggest challenge was to trek with a bunch of people with different stamina and mind. Some already gave up before attempting, some gave lots of reasons for not able to carry the bricks, some carried extra baggage like books and trousers to trek. It was a mental challenge. I have learnt no matter how daunting it was, once you started, you should finish it in style. A warrior run through the finishing line. Along this challenge, I met a lot of silent but strong warriors. They had my greatest respect. They just do their work quietly, and unlike the loud warriors who are easily beaten. And last of all, strategy does not work in Peaks. Just do it and do not think too much. Once you reach there, you will know how to climb. Give yourself a chance to do it!
Throughout the rotation, I have realised a lot about Leadership. There are just some who would be sharing and sharing their stories throughout the four days, trying to show off their "leadership". I call them the Loud Warriors. Loud Warriors waste excess energy and most probably they would be the first one to collapse. I will never forget about "Fire Lady". She taught me an important lesson. She was simply one without no team spirit, a very much individual. She tried to help to carry water tank, but the partner had to carry at her pace. She can't slow down even if the partner is lagging behind. She forgot the Peaks is all about team spirit. She is the loudest, sharing in every session, making a big drama in every challenge. The universe heard her and she deserved a memorable lesson. She collapse in style the last day after the Peak and could not stay to finish the camp. She always felt she was strong, but alas, the Universe always had a way to make you understand better. I learnt a valuable lesson. It is not about yourself, it is about the wider perspective.
Throughout the camp, we always had the same people trying to jump out to be leaders. Leaders is not about volunteering, it is not about shouting. It is about doing. If you want to lead, make sure you have some substance before you jump up. A leader without substance, without brains is like a warrior dashing without a goal. Definitely not everyone is a leader. Assess yourself first before jumping up and say "I am a leader". I am truly humbled for I have learnt what it means to be a leader.
The other challenge that had a great impact was the Rebar Exercise. Well, the concept was similar to breaking the arrow, but the challenge was made greater now because it was a steel rod that was quite heavy at weight. I remembered about Jaz Lai bending the spoon and I wanna laugh. That was so elementary. I have also progressed, from bending spoon, to breaking arrow and finally bending the rod. I realised the greatest fear was injuring myself and my partner. Suddenly it dawned to me, all these while, I let my physical "disability" hinder my mental progress. Because of my injured back, it crippled my mind as well. I remember Eric at the playground was blasting at me that I am fine now, I won't injure myself while jumping down. I was worried about getting another injuries and the vicious cycle of recovery. The other thing I realise was hurting my partner in rebar. I guess I am always sensitive to other people and do not want to hurt them either intentionally or unintentionally. I have learnt, actually people are stronger than I think they are and some form of hardship accelerates growth.
I learnt a lot in the rebar. I already felt like choking when I place the rebar near my throat. I gave my 100% because I do not want to redo the exercise again. Just like in life, I never want to do an exam a second time, so A Warrior Always Gives 100%. We were supposed to move forward to hug each other once we bend the rebar. I kept my focus and keep running forward. Somehow my partner forgot that she had to move. She stood there, with her face in agony as if choking. With all my might, I dash forward and helped to bend the bar without celebrating. After the exercise, she shared with me, she thought she gave her 100%, but she forgot to move. Hence giving your 100% without moving will not achieve your goal and will cause you more pain. When you are giving your 100%, move forward and embrace your goal. For me, I have learnt if a person is stationary, the other person must be strong enough to move forward to help to achieve the goal together. That is called, cooperation.
A guy was sharing with me his experience in rebar. He had to redo it twice. First try, he thought he had given his 100%, but he did not manage to bend the bar. Second time, he told himself to try even harder. And this time he finally managed to bend the bar. He told me, he thought he had given his 100%, but in fact it was only 90%. And the most important thing, if you gave only 90% of your effort, the result is ZERO! If you gave your 100% everytime, you will definitely see results. Very insightful for me and I always will remember it!
The other exercise that left a great impact was the stacking of the chairs. From Day 1 to Day 5, we have to try at least 10 times to stack and unstack the chairs in the shortest time, each time modifying something to make it work. From 1 minute plus, to 22 seconds, something has to be tweaked for improvement. I will always remember, if you do not succeed the first time, try again, modify, change one variable or the other until you achieve the results you want. Do not give up, sometimes success is just close by!
In the final closing, I have learnt to see the beauty in other people's eyes. For me, it was always evil first before beauty. I always believe humans are evil. From now on, I will see beauty in other people's eyes before jumping in conclusion. It is very difficult to tell the people you do not like the nice things, but we have to embrace life with a bigger heart.
Enlightened Warrior Training Camp was very transformational for me. For me, now I have taken myself to greater heights, leaving behind my baggage, conquering my fears. Sadly, I think I have also left behind some few negative friends to embrace my new lease of life!
