成熟

最近刚和几个旧同事聚会，和他们聊起我的工作时，
其中一位同事觉得，我的处事待人成熟了。
事由因为最近上司请了一名漂亮的女员工，
虽然她的工作表现不好，态度还算不错。
我生气，不是因为她不好，而是上司请错人。

或许，这位同事是对的，在待人处事方面，我的确少了以前的霸气。
这三年来，在这间公司任职，让我放眼看天下。
这世界上没有永远的朋友，更没有永远的敌人。
刚出道时，只要我认为那个人的表现不理想，
我会毫不犹豫地给警告。
后来，我发现我真的不可以用自己的要求去衡量别人的表现。
毕竟，我们是不同的人。
说穿了，只是一份工作，没必要搞到再一次见面时，连朋友都没得做。

我想，这应该是成熟吧。

最近，我似乎有点想通了。
在旧老板离职之后，我一直有点替他打抱不平。
甚至到新老板上任之后，一直都在做比较。
毕竟，旧老板是我难得遇到的好老板。
所以，我一直很欣赏他。
渐渐地，我的视线越来越狭窄，也越来越爱做比较。
所以，一直很不开心。

我甚至想，离职之后，去投靠他，放弃自己的梦想。
最近我才发现，有些东西曾经遇过，就应该满足了。
做人应该往前看，不应该一直停留在过去的时光。
更不应该为了欣赏的人，放弃自己的梦想。
如果这样，我以后一定会后悔，
更会走不出旧老板的影子。

不晓得， 这样算成熟吗？
还是领悟呢？

无论如何，路还是要自己走出来，
不应该被别人左右着。
虽然我不晓得，我会不会再一次遇到我欣赏的上司，
可是毕竟是我的选择。
无论结果如何，路上的风风雨雨，
应该会陪伴我成长， 成熟。
也会把我推向我更想成为的人——
一个成熟，有内涵，有谈吐，有魅力的女人。

希望我真的可以成为我想成为的女人。

Taken for granted

Let me start off with a cheery mood though i think i had a bad week. Yes, finally i hit the target i set for myself abeit one week late. Anyway, it feels good. Finally, i understood the meaning of zig zag diet. Yes, i learnt something important too, never give up halfway, no matter how hard the road is. I think that is one of the good things that happened to me this week apart from Grandma's birthday which i took lots of pictures. I was being sentimental because I know next year this time, i would be in a foreign land alone, lonely. So i need all those beautiful moments to be captured.

Something happened this week that made me realise we tend to take things for granted and i truly learnt a lesson, a lesson that i will remember, not to send out emails late in the middle of the night and most importantly, face to face converstaion is always better than technology.

It so happened that another fren of mine and myself would be in HK around the same time. So we planned to go trekking on sat. As we were ambitious, we decided to do 2 treks, one in the morning and one in the evening. Having that kind of plan, we thought we would do with a dinner at the peak and then a good night sleep in my hotel. After the morning trek, we would check in to her hotel and followed by the evening trek.

It was at this moment we received news that two of our old time frens would be joining us. And we did have a some problem with accommodation. For sat, it was all right as my fren's hotel could accommodate 4 persons, but i had a slight problem with 4 in my hotel if sat was going to be a busy day. At first, i tot it would be good to have all 4 in the hotel, we could have an all night out. After much consideration, i tot it would be better for the 2 gals to get a hotel due to the long journey ahead on sat.

Hence, having discussed with my fren, i wrote an email in the middle of the night and listing down some of the hotels and logistics stuff. Happily i tot everything was settled, and i tot everyone should be happy and everyone would take the content of my email as it is. Alas, i was wrong, very wrong.

That very morning when the email was sent, i received a "weird" sms from one of the gals. She is considered a close fren who knew me well enough. She asked if i was uncomfortable with 2 idiots tagging along. From that message i knew, somebody misinterpreted my message. Oh my god. Then my fren agreed, said the content of the email could be misleading. It was better to talk face to face though she knew i did not have that kind of intention to make people feel unwelcome. So at that moment, it dawned on me that i was being too curt in the email. I wished i have re-read the email before hitting the send button. It was never never my intention to mean the other way in the email. I felt i had taken our friendship for granted, that everyone knows me well enough to know my intention in the email.

That very evening i called the gal who sent me the sms. She told me she was not in anyway affected by my email. She knew of my good intentions when she read the email becos she knew me well enough. But she cant say the same for the other gal. She tot she was imposing on me. I cant blame the other gal. It was ten odd years we knew each other, but we were not that close and thus which led her to interpret the email the other way. After ending the first call, i called her immediately to explain the whole scenario. I felt it was important to clear up the whole misunderstanding as i valued all their friendship a lot and it was not worth it to fall out because of one small misunderstanding. This gal was apologetic as well. She felt she din inform us earlier that both of them were bunking in. Actually, i kept assuring her it was all right. Both of us were not in the least imposed. Just that the logistics we had to settle before they reached HK.

After the call, i felt so much better. It was a bad feeling to be misunderstood really. I was lucky that i managed to resolve it in time, otherwise i think everyone will be unhappy during the trekking. I also learnt an important lesson. Do not rely on technology tool to convey messages especially important ones that are personal related. They do not have tone and it is easy for the messages to go the other way. Lastly, do not take anyone for granted especially people who have been close ard you. It is always good to exercise some form of repsect between frens.

Hopefully the 4 of us can enjoy the trek in HK and make it memorable.

Searching blog

It is another Sunday, tomorrow Mr Xie Ting Feng will be coming back from Bali, wonder how he will spin off another new story with his Zhang Bo Zhi...haha. Anyway, I cannot be bothered, just counting down. This week i hit another plateau. I am taking it better than the previous time, maybe the first time is always the most difficult. Once you crossed that barrier, you will know how to handle yourself better. Whatever it is, I am not going to give up. There is always a tomorrow. :D

Met up with an old friend last Saturday. The meeting was spun off because she felt I was having some relationship problem. My vietnamese friend mentioned about transitting to my homeland and suggested a possible meet up. Anway, I am not too keen in meeting up. Actually at this point in time, I still do not know how to define our relationship. To me, it is definitely not love because I do not have that kind of strong feelings I once experienced before. My dear friend thought my love world had blossomed once again. I guess I am at ease with myself now, not having any expectations in romance. Truly, I am happy and contented. My only wish is I can get hold of a decent job Down Under. The rest can wait.

Anyway, it was a good meet up, catching up on each other's life. That is what old friends gatherings are meant to be. Just before we parted, she mentioned about a blog. Yes, a blog. It got me excited. Well, there is always a curious side of us, isn't it? Actually i have only read one blog that is written by a fren and i do not have a habit of reading other people's blog. But since she mentioned, i guess she is hesitating to tell me something (my imagination ran wild.....) Maybe she wanted to tell me something she could not put across, or maybe she just wanted to share her thoughts with me. I do not which, but the curiosity got the better of me and the very night itself, i started searching for her blog.

Come to think of it, i had known her for 10 odd years, but we have maintained a safety distance. During the progress of searching, suddenly i realised i did not really know her that well. I am an IT professional, and being equipped with the necessary skills, it is not difficult to track somebody down. But in order to do that, you need to at least know something about your target. For me, i tried a variety of terms that i could associate to her, but no luck. After 2 hours, i had to resort to sms for clues. In the end, it was one of the title of her posts that saved the days. When i finally found the blog, i realised her nick was something she mentioned to me many years ago (i got a fantastic memory). We were both fans of Wong Kar Wai and that was the last thing that could dawn on me to be her nick. I guess i really got to "relearn" things about this fren of mine.

I think at this juncture, my dear fren is still searching hard for my blog. Honestly, this blog was meant to be kept secret. I did not reveal my blog to anyone because that was the only way i could be honest with myself when i write. If i know somebody that knows me is reading this blog, at times i will take into considerations and write things that is not the "real" me. To me, that defeat the purpose of blogging. At least up till now, i can say all the posts here were written without any considerations of anyone's feelings, at least i been truthful to myself. Hopefully even when she managed to find my blog, i am still able to write using my real feelings.

I guess it is good to blog about your thoughts. Everyone, no matter how many friends you have, you are still you and it is the truth that none of your friends can ever see the true side of you. What they can is just to see part of the true you. By writing down your thoughts, you can see your own true self and it is through these that you reflect, progress, mature and become a better person. For me, bloggging is a way to relieve my thoughts though in recent years i have not been thinking that much. It is a way to tell me I am still a good person though in real life, many people see the "mask" i have been wearing and i feel most of the times i been wearing a very ugly mask. I guess that is just a way of hiding myself behind a shell. I do not like people to know too much about me.

Anyway for my dear fren, i hope you will continue to blog, to share your thoughts with me. We have progressed to different stages in life, so sometimes it is difficult for me to understand your thoughts. At this moment, i m still pursuing my dreams while you have decided to put your feet on the ground. Hopefully things will turn out fine for us. If things become difficult, endurance is the word.

Finally....:D

Well, it has been a crazy week since i came back from Hong Kong last week. Looks like my weekend is going to be work work work. I hate that idea. The thought of it really puts me off. I have started to work later than usual. The feeling of unbalance is coming back. No good. I guess I did not have a good week this week.

Ok, something to rejoice about is I have finally hit below 60kgs. Yes, cheers to myself, all the hardwork has finally paid off. The sweat, the pain, the ache all of it. For the past 10-15 years, I have never seen myself hit below 60kgs. The closest I came was 61.5 about 2-3 years back. Anyway, when i got back from Hong Kong, i was just glad my efforts paid off. Before I left for my business trip, I was praying hard that I would just maintain my weight. I was close to 60kgs then. When I reached Hong Kong, it was really tough on me. First of all, Hong Kong was a food paradise. It was dim sum, my favourite and all the good desserts all around the corner. Secondly, I was on business trip, so the users at Hong Kong had to do their part to entertain us. So it was good food all 3 meals. I decided that should be stopped. So in order not to miss out the shopping, I went to gym every morning at 630 am. I thought that was really crazy of me. Luckily, this trip I was quite free that I could wake up at 6 every morning to go gym.

My typical schedule when i was in HK. At 6 am i would be awaken by the ever reliable mobile alarm. After some battle to get out of the bed, I would rush to boil water so that I could get a cup of hot tea before i ran down to the gym. Jason said hot tea would help me to burn faster, increased my metabolism. After that, it was about 1.25 hour at the gym. Then i would rush up again and prepared myself for work. That included showered and touching up and I would rush down to meet my ever early colleagues.

Actually I amazed my colleagues. They could not believe that i could actually get up at 6am everyday to go gym. Well, when i wanted to do something, my determination would be so strong that it beat everything. They feel i m depriving myself. Actually to me, that is a challenge in life. It shows that if i wanted to acheive something in life, i can go all out to do it. It tells me that in life, nothing is too difficult for me if i have the determination. Honestly, i do not feel deprvied at all because after every session of gym, i feel so good that my whole body is energised. It is something not many people can understand i supposed.

I feel i am still going strong. After this sunday, i m going for the ultimate challenge. My last 30 days challenge to reach the ultimate weight i have set for myself when i started on the personal training programme. Even if i do not reach the target i set, I think i can be proud of myself for all the achievements that I have had. My friends who had not seen me for a long time was shocked to see me losing so much weight. The people in the office told me i have to get tighter clothes and some old time friends were urging me to stop losing weight. But i m not really to call it quits yet. 4-5 kgs and yes i think i can safely say i should be there. And finally, i will never ever get the fats that i lost back.....is a promise to myself.

It feels so good to lose weight. My mind is strong, my training is intense and my nutrition is on the right track.

写万芳

昨日，和友人去看了于台烟和万芳的“好情歌”说唱会，
找回了那种好久已经没被感动的感觉。
直到现在，心情还无法平息。
我想，就如万芳说的，
如果把回忆放在脑袋里，回想起来，也会是一部很美的画面。

万芳的歌，其实陪伴了我无尽的岁月。
早在中学时代，就被她的歌声迷倒。
天生有着一副好嗓子的她，
却不曾大红大紫，
给我一种怀才不遇的感觉，
不禁怜惜她。

第一次看到她的现场表演，
是在十年前的一场校园演唱会。
第一次听到她的清唱，
深深地被她的声音迷住了。
再听到她的说话与举止，
我觉得她又是另一个有内涵的女人。

于是，我一等再等，
一等就是十年。

这一次再见到她，
又再一次被她的歌声迷倒了。
她是一个很专业的歌手，
歌唱时，全情投入。
我想她的歌声之那么动人，
多少与她的投入有关。
她要求台下的观众不要拍照，
因为闪光灯会影响她的情绪。
观众们，因为她的投入，也很听话。

她一开口说话，和她歌唱的时候，
是截然不同的人。
歌唱的她，歌声非常有爆发力，
说话的她，就好像一个小女人，很有魅力。
我还记得，她说，她好久没来了。
大家都成熟了，都长大了。
她说，就像她的“Fly Away" 歌词里，
想要成熟就要接受不完美。
多么发人省醒的一句话。
是的，从第一次听这首歌到现在，
我已经长大了，已经成熟了。
而如她说的，我也接受了生活的许多不完美。

她说，当她唱“试着了解”时，
台下经常有许多人在哭。
说真的，当她唱那首歌时，
的确触动了我的心灵。
眼泪也在眼睛里打滚。
我想我想起了他。
和他的无所不谈，到最后的无话可说，
我都试着了解。
我想，就如歌词里唱的，
他的喜悲，都不想我陪，所以我试着了解。
之前我就很喜欢这首歌，
可是在一次听到万芳诠释这首歌时，
又有另一番风味。

我想，万芳是除了张爱嘉， 刘若英之后，
我欣赏的另一个有内涵的女子。
虽然她不认识我，可是我希望她一切都好。
希望如她所希望的，每天都睡得好，吃得好。
天天都开心。
祝福你。

谢谢你，因为你的歌，
让我找回那很久没被感动的感觉。

香港篇 （于Excelsior Hotel)

终于到了香港。这是我的第三个站，也是最后一站。
感触很多，一直在倒数着离家的日子，离开熟悉的一切。

这是我第二次到香港，其实并不喜欢香港。
原因是应为太热闹了，不适合度假的心情。
这是我第一次到香港工干。
我发现其实， 香港人都很勤劳。
原来，香港比较适合公干的心情。

这次来到香港，意外地太空闲。
于是，我便到处走走逛逛。
才发现，香港的服务水平真的比新加坡高。
也发现香港的夜生活，的确比新加坡精彩。
就趁这最后的两天，
好好地感染她的朝气蓬勃。
让我好好地记住在香港的那轻松心情。

香港那冷冷的天气，
那懒洋洋的心情，
那充满人群的街道，
那数不尽的美食，
我都要一一地记下来。
因为我不晓得这会不会是我最后一次的公干。
我一定要把公干的心情都记下来。