Happiness is.......

Just came back from a Buddhist seminar from Dr Thubten Jinpa. It was an enlightening seminar where the focus was happiness. I have decided to pen down some of the thoughts that were going through my mind.

First and foremost, everyone wanted to be happy. However according to the speaker, pursuation of happiness is a paradox. The more you seek it, the more it evaded from you. Frankly, that had never crossed my mind until today. But it did have some sense of truth in it. Some things when you tried too hard, it would not happen. It would be better to let nature takes its course. What we could do was to "create the conditions" to be happy.

There was a section on tips being happy. My friends was commenting that I had such good memories that I did not write down anything yet I could remember. I guess when something was very close to your heart, you would take an effort to remember. I find the tips to being happy rather insightful.

Rule 1: Adopt a positive outlook / attitude on your past.
Indeed, whatever that had happened served as a lesson. There was no need to hang on to it. Having said that, I did realise there were certain aspects of the past that I hang on quite tightly to. It was not that I did not want to let go, but it just sort of made me lose my faith having gone through the pain. After today's session, I hoped I would be able to come to terms with it better and learn to let go and have faith.

Rule 2: Avoid upward comparison if possible.
This had always been my philosophy in life though it was hard at times. Whatever tasks I undertook, I just made sure I tried my best. It was my principle. I had never attempted to compare with people who were better than me. Neither do I compare my achievements with people who were above me. Comparison hurt. I learnt through the hard way. However at times it was difficult because you may not try to compare with others, but you could be other people's targets.

Rule 3: Do not fully focus on goals.
This was indeed something new to me. For me, I pride myself as being a disciplined person. If I set my mind to achieve a goal, it was highly unlikely that I would fail. However after today's session, I began to have second thoughts. Perhaps sometimes when I was too focussed on the goals, I began to give myself unnecessary stress. I knew the theory that the journey was always more valuable than the goals. Maybe I ought to relook at my style of doing things, to be able to enjoy more out of it.

Rule 4: Nurture relationships that were significant in your life.
I think everyone knew this fact. It was so easy yet so hard. Family has always been my priority. Yet I am guilty of it. Most of the times, I am there physically but not mentally. I guess I just took them for granted at times. It was so silly. Family was the only one I would tell the truth without any qualms, they were the only I would show most of my true self, yet they were the one I sacrificed most of the times. It was time to prioritise really.

Rule 5: Seek a life that transcend one's existence.
This was a little too profound for me to comprehend at the moment. The theory was those who volunteered was always happier. Immediately I could think of one person who would object to this school of thought. For me, I wanted to give back to society within my means yet I could not find the time to commit. So to me, it became a grey area. I had the thought, yet I could not put it into action. Maybe deep down, I was always worried about commitment, worried about not having my private time. Come next year, I really hoped I could at least spare some time for community work. It was the least I could do and it was a resolution I set for myself next year. Not sure if I could derive happiness from there, but it had been something I wanted to do. Let nature takes its course. :)

Rule 6: Turn adversity into opportunities.
This was not too difficult as long as the element of confidence was present. For me, as long as I had my confidence level, I believed I could handle any situations. However, there were times when my confidence deserted me, and it was a difficult situation. I needed to work very hard to get my confidence level back in order not to drop to depression level. I had a chat with a friend recently on this issue. She told me throughout the years she knew me, she had never saw me flared up at people or things even though she knew I had a fiery temper. (I had to confess my way of venting frustrations was to complain about it and forget all about it :p) I guessed no matter how bad things went, I still retained that little bit of sanity to handle the situation. She was different. I had seen the fiery side of her when things went wrong. I guess when things were close to her heart, she would snap no matter how composed she usually was. But I believed a sense of control would create the ultimate condition towards the path of happiness.

In the new year to come, I would not strive to be happy. Rather, I would strive to create the conditions to being happy, being at peace with thyself.