Flying higher and higher

Work is taking its toll on me. I really cannot picture myself staying in this current job for any much longer. I think the boss really matters to me where work is concerned. I have to work for someone who I admired or at least respect for, otherwise I cannot feel motivated. Right now, I am counting down to the day that I will call it quits. It is another about one month before I will hand in that letter, meanwhile is all about endurance.

Sometimes, I really wonder, when did I really start losing my motivation? To be honest, I still like what I am doing currently, but there are just certain things that I cannot come to terms with. I guess it has something to do with principle. For example, I cannot tolerate the fact that when one of my staff is not performing, instead of being sent off, she was given an increment to boost her confidence. I am not sure what is the world coming to. Perhaps, being pretty really has its advantages in this world. I am just thankful that God has given me a brain instead of external beauty.

After leaving this place, I wonder where I will end up? Actually, at this point though I really wanted to try out Down Under, but there is still a possibility that I will give up on that piece of paper that cost me 6k. Just had a teleconversation with sis in the afternoon, she made me realise that the moment I leave, Mum will all alone at home. And I know, she is the only person and the only factor that will make me give up my dreams to explore overseas. If she just say it, I will stay. Filial piety is just part of the reason, I am just worried that if I leave, I will live to regret my decision. Everything has a time limit in this world and my mother is the last thing in the world that I would want to miss the time. Life is always such a dilemma. And I know, even though she do not want to see me leave, she still support my decision.

If things go smoothly for me, I wonder what can I expect in a foreign land? How will I combat my loneliness? And findng new friends, starting all over. All these questions keep spinning in my head everyday. And to tell the truth, this is one of the toughest decision that I have to make. For the past one year, I have been thinking to leave or not to leave. I know myself. If I go, no matter how harsh reality is to me, I will still survive and become a better person. If I stay, I will always wondered what would have happened if I left then....It seems if I choose to go, I should be flying higher than I will be now. Perhaps I could see all my shortcomings more clearly, I would grow up instantly and become a more mature and less emotional person.

Something happened today that made me realise that if I am the only person left to make my own decision, I have to be much tougher than I am now. When provoked, I am just too emotional and may make the wrong decision. I really have to take care of my emotional side in order to progress in life. Endurance is the word. Hopefully what I have realised today will be able to help me in my future decision makings.

Lastly, I just hoped what I am wishing for will come true. I am just praying very hard now. If that comes true, I will be very grateful for the chance given to me just like I cherished my opportunity for making my mark in this present company. I will make sure I grow to become a better and less emotional person.

Hopefully, everything will turn out well. Praying very hard.