Family

Family.....I still remember when I was young, I never had the guts to write about it. Perhaps I was an escapist. Whenever the composition title was "My Family", I would agonise over it because it was time for me to tell a white lie, to use my creativity to paint the kind of family I wanted. No matter how hard I tried, the family I came out with only existed in my writings, not in reality.

I had to admit, I did not grow up in a healthy environment and somehow, that did contribute to part of me now. Well, in my context, every family was dsyfunct in some way or the other. The difference was only in the depth of seriousness. Anyway, I had already came to terms with my family. I realised parents and siblings are the only things in the world that I have no choice with. It is God's gift to me.

Gradually, I began to appreciate my family. Due to its dysfunction, I had to mature earlier than my peers and I was much closer to my siblings than the rest. And at this point in time, when the thoughts came to me that I was leaving them soon, somehow, a feeling of sadness overcame me. Perhaps, I have never left home and live independently before, perhaps I was scared, perhaps I was worried that when I needed emotional support, I could only depend on myself.....

Last weekend was my Grandma's birthday. Actually to be honest, I was not very close to her. Every year, attending birthdays was going through a motion until my Grandpa passed away suddenly last year. Suddenly, it dawned to me, it could be the last time I would be celebrating for her, I would not know. So this year was kind of special, at least I feel I was not going through the motion, but enjoying the process. As usual, this year I was the photographer. Personally, I feel this year I had taken a number of nature shots. The one shown was my favourite, capture the main lead and her numerous great-grandchildren.

I am very sure I would miss home when I departed for my dreams in another 1 year or so. I would miss the "smell" of coming home everyday after work. I am not sure if the rest have the same feeling before. Everyday, no matter how tired I am, I am still looking forward to going home. At least, I know there is somebody at home waiting for me. And as soon as I reached the area where I stayed, I could practically smell the familiar scent, the bird chirping, the housewives busy cooking dinners, the hungry schoolchildren coming home from school, all looking forward to going home. Once I reached the foreign land, I would miss this feeling terribly. There is no one at home, no one cares if I do go home or not, and no one cares if I have had my dinner. And there is no one I could turn to if I need emotional support. Everything has to be on myself.......and I have to be strong enough for that.

Sometimes I really wonder if I make the right decision by leaving my family behind to achieve what I wanted to. Well, I can only say if I do not try now, I would never have the guts to try it out anymore as age is catching up. I just had to promise myself, no matter how tough things are, I will tide it through and I will make it home once again definitely and make the folks at home proud of me.