3rd of May - Today marks the 14th anniversary of my "committing suicide" stint and to tell the truth, I am suffering from sore back at this moment. And I am trying to bring my posture straight. Time really flies, it has been 14 years since the incident happened.
14 years ago, on this particular fateful day, I jumped down from the second storey in school after being trapped in the school deliberately with another mate. She was the one who made me stayed back after school and we were up to some mischief then. However, only a few of my close friends knew about this incident. I still remembered the moment I jumped down, I landed on my butt and as a result, I suffered from compression fracture as the doctor labelled it. I was hysterical when I reached the hospital, worried that I would become paralysed. It was after when I was discharged from the hospital that did I realise, I was about 0.1mm away from paralysis. I still remembered the doctor used a thin thread and put in between the cracks and he told me, that was how close I was to lifelong paralysis.
At that moment, I did not know how to react. Happy that I could still walk and kick or sad that I had a chip off and I would suffer from backache for the rest of my life. One thing was for sure, it was the start of my hatred for my mate whom I think caused me to be in that predicament. It was the first time in my life that I had actually hated anybody. I hated her for causing me to be in a cast for 2 months and inconveniencing my family especially my mother. Because of her, I could not roam around as freely as I should and most importantly, I would be carrying this injury with me for the rest of my life. I sank into depression mode, I did not want to see anybody.
Anyway, I just remembered it took me 6 years to forgive her. Though we never quarrelled, I tried my best to avoid meeting her. Seeing her will remind me of my folly back then and I really regretted my decision to jump then. It was like my body was no longer perfect and I could not do strenous exercise. As a result, it made it very difficult for me to lose weight as there were lots of activities that I could not do. Even up to this date, I still try to avoid meeting her alone. Not that I still hate her, I just feel she was a jinx to me. Whenever we were together, something bad would have happened.
Up to this date, we still kept in touch, but no one has ever brought up this incident again. I am not sure how she felt bad then when she saw how badly injuried I was. I just rememebred when I was lying on the hospital bed, she was very guilty and apologised to me. I guessed we have just grown out of this incident. Perhaps, all along she felt a sense of guilt towards me, and never dared to bring up this incident. As for me, I think I took it quite badly at first. However as time progressed, I realised this incident made me a better person. I was truly able to understand the essence of forgive and forget. Indeed, it was very painful to hate somebody. It made me a very bad and negative person. I began to realise I had to be partly responsible for what had happened. Most of all, it brought on a lot of insights about myself.
I think that could be a turning point in my life. When everything was going too smoothly, sometimes you would not sit down and give it more thoughts. But when misfortune struck, you would dwell over it and try to understand why you were the chosen one. Throughout that six months I was in depression, I asked a lot of whys. I knew I could never be the same me again. That incident had forced me to grow up at a rate I did not want to. I had matured instantly at that period of life. It was the first time in my life that I went through a lot of emotional struggles and coming to terms with reality that I could not do some of the things (like roller blading) that others could do. That was acceptance of reality.
Anyway that was 14 years ago. Everything happened for a reason. At that instant, we would always question why. Looking back, I guess it was a way for me to grow up, to accept the harsh reality. Though I cannot say I am glad that this incident happened, I am just contented that it did not make me into a negative person. I could lose anything in the world, but the last thing I would want to lose is my positive outlook towards life. Hopefully the optimisim will accompany me for the rest of my life.
Cheers to 14 years of celebration.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
Flying higher and higher
Work is taking its toll on me. I really cannot picture myself staying in this current job for any much longer. I think the boss really matters to me where work is concerned. I have to work for someone who I admired or at least respect for, otherwise I cannot feel motivated. Right now, I am counting down to the day that I will call it quits. It is another about one month before I will hand in that letter, meanwhile is all about endurance.
Sometimes, I really wonder, when did I really start losing my motivation? To be honest, I still like what I am doing currently, but there are just certain things that I cannot come to terms with. I guess it has something to do with principle. For example, I cannot tolerate the fact that when one of my staff is not performing, instead of being sent off, she was given an increment to boost her confidence. I am not sure what is the world coming to. Perhaps, being pretty really has its advantages in this world. I am just thankful that God has given me a brain instead of external beauty.
After leaving this place, I wonder where I will end up? Actually, at this point though I really wanted to try out Down Under, but there is still a possibility that I will give up on that piece of paper that cost me 6k. Just had a teleconversation with sis in the afternoon, she made me realise that the moment I leave, Mum will all alone at home. And I know, she is the only person and the only factor that will make me give up my dreams to explore overseas. If she just say it, I will stay. Filial piety is just part of the reason, I am just worried that if I leave, I will live to regret my decision. Everything has a time limit in this world and my mother is the last thing in the world that I would want to miss the time. Life is always such a dilemma. And I know, even though she do not want to see me leave, she still support my decision.
If things go smoothly for me, I wonder what can I expect in a foreign land? How will I combat my loneliness? And findng new friends, starting all over. All these questions keep spinning in my head everyday. And to tell the truth, this is one of the toughest decision that I have to make. For the past one year, I have been thinking to leave or not to leave. I know myself. If I go, no matter how harsh reality is to me, I will still survive and become a better person. If I stay, I will always wondered what would have happened if I left then....It seems if I choose to go, I should be flying higher than I will be now. Perhaps I could see all my shortcomings more clearly, I would grow up instantly and become a more mature and less emotional person.
Something happened today that made me realise that if I am the only person left to make my own decision, I have to be much tougher than I am now. When provoked, I am just too emotional and may make the wrong decision. I really have to take care of my emotional side in order to progress in life. Endurance is the word. Hopefully what I have realised today will be able to help me in my future decision makings.
Lastly, I just hoped what I am wishing for will come true. I am just praying very hard now. If that comes true, I will be very grateful for the chance given to me just like I cherished my opportunity for making my mark in this present company. I will make sure I grow to become a better and less emotional person.
Hopefully, everything will turn out well. Praying very hard.
Sometimes, I really wonder, when did I really start losing my motivation? To be honest, I still like what I am doing currently, but there are just certain things that I cannot come to terms with. I guess it has something to do with principle. For example, I cannot tolerate the fact that when one of my staff is not performing, instead of being sent off, she was given an increment to boost her confidence. I am not sure what is the world coming to. Perhaps, being pretty really has its advantages in this world. I am just thankful that God has given me a brain instead of external beauty.
After leaving this place, I wonder where I will end up? Actually, at this point though I really wanted to try out Down Under, but there is still a possibility that I will give up on that piece of paper that cost me 6k. Just had a teleconversation with sis in the afternoon, she made me realise that the moment I leave, Mum will all alone at home. And I know, she is the only person and the only factor that will make me give up my dreams to explore overseas. If she just say it, I will stay. Filial piety is just part of the reason, I am just worried that if I leave, I will live to regret my decision. Everything has a time limit in this world and my mother is the last thing in the world that I would want to miss the time. Life is always such a dilemma. And I know, even though she do not want to see me leave, she still support my decision.
If things go smoothly for me, I wonder what can I expect in a foreign land? How will I combat my loneliness? And findng new friends, starting all over. All these questions keep spinning in my head everyday. And to tell the truth, this is one of the toughest decision that I have to make. For the past one year, I have been thinking to leave or not to leave. I know myself. If I go, no matter how harsh reality is to me, I will still survive and become a better person. If I stay, I will always wondered what would have happened if I left then....It seems if I choose to go, I should be flying higher than I will be now. Perhaps I could see all my shortcomings more clearly, I would grow up instantly and become a more mature and less emotional person.
Something happened today that made me realise that if I am the only person left to make my own decision, I have to be much tougher than I am now. When provoked, I am just too emotional and may make the wrong decision. I really have to take care of my emotional side in order to progress in life. Endurance is the word. Hopefully what I have realised today will be able to help me in my future decision makings.
Lastly, I just hoped what I am wishing for will come true. I am just praying very hard now. If that comes true, I will be very grateful for the chance given to me just like I cherished my opportunity for making my mark in this present company. I will make sure I grow to become a better and less emotional person.
Hopefully, everything will turn out well. Praying very hard.
Monday, April 23, 2007
三十了
刚从热浪岛度假回来，心情是平静的。
选择在那里庆祝生日，希望自己有一个好的开始。
终于， 三十了。
三十， 对我而言，是一个新的旅程。
曾经说过，三十是人生的另一个开始。
在十多岁时，每天不断地啃书，为了将来。
在二十多岁时，每天为了自己的前途打拼，为了寻找自己的梦。
在三十多岁时，不再彷徨，对自己的生活有了一定的目标，为了享受生活。
我想三十的我，开始变得不一样。
三十的我，少了年少的霸气，多了一份成熟。
年少的我，可以为了一丁点小事，翻天覆地。
三十的我，遇到任何的事，虽然还是会动火，但是多了一份分析，不再理直气壮。
这，就是岁月的蹉跎。
人，因为随着经验的累积，开始学习成长。
三十的我，终于长大了。
三十的我，开始对生活没有太多的要求。
才发现，原来简简单单地过活，也是一种美。
三十的我，开始发现家的重要。
才发现，原来岁月不饶人，看见身边的人慢慢地老去，很可怕。
才了解，多余的时间应该腾出来给身边最重要的家人。
三十的我，开始了解有个伴的重要。
才发现，一个人独自走完一生，太孤独了。
才发现，两个人一起走完一生，那才算圆满。
三十的我，还是不断地在学习做一个更好的人。
我虽然不完美，但我努力地做一个好人。
学习说话少一点，聆听多一点。
学习从不同的角度，去看待一件事。
学习要看开，不要把情义看得太重。
学习要放开，不要太多的自我防备。
学习要如何变得更有魅力，成为我想成为的人。
三十的我，将迈上另一个旅程碑，
希望每天都能不断地鞭策自己，
让我成为一个有内涵，有知识，有谈吐的成熟妇女。
为三十的我，干一杯！
选择在那里庆祝生日，希望自己有一个好的开始。
终于， 三十了。
三十， 对我而言，是一个新的旅程。
曾经说过，三十是人生的另一个开始。
在十多岁时，每天不断地啃书，为了将来。
在二十多岁时，每天为了自己的前途打拼，为了寻找自己的梦。
在三十多岁时，不再彷徨，对自己的生活有了一定的目标，为了享受生活。
我想三十的我，开始变得不一样。
三十的我，少了年少的霸气，多了一份成熟。
年少的我，可以为了一丁点小事，翻天覆地。
三十的我，遇到任何的事，虽然还是会动火，但是多了一份分析，不再理直气壮。
这，就是岁月的蹉跎。
人，因为随着经验的累积，开始学习成长。
三十的我，终于长大了。
三十的我，开始对生活没有太多的要求。
才发现，原来简简单单地过活，也是一种美。
三十的我，开始发现家的重要。
才发现，原来岁月不饶人，看见身边的人慢慢地老去，很可怕。
才了解，多余的时间应该腾出来给身边最重要的家人。
三十的我，开始了解有个伴的重要。
才发现，一个人独自走完一生，太孤独了。
才发现，两个人一起走完一生，那才算圆满。
三十的我，还是不断地在学习做一个更好的人。
我虽然不完美，但我努力地做一个好人。
学习说话少一点，聆听多一点。
学习从不同的角度，去看待一件事。
学习要看开，不要把情义看得太重。
学习要放开，不要太多的自我防备。
学习要如何变得更有魅力，成为我想成为的人。
三十的我，将迈上另一个旅程碑，
希望每天都能不断地鞭策自己，
让我成为一个有内涵，有知识，有谈吐的成熟妇女。
为三十的我，干一杯！
Monday, April 09, 2007
谎言，欺骗
今天，心情乱糟糟的。
我也不知道怎么了。
我自己也无法解释。
今天，无意地打开Yahoo Messenger，
看到你的留言，问候我。
其实，心里是蛮开心的，
原来在国外的你，还会惦记我。
你和我说，你会去悉尼公干一个月，
而笨蛋的我，一点也没有对你的话质疑。
于是，看到你上网，便和你聊了几句。
你说，你昨日回来了。
我很惊讶，因为你最多只走了一个星期。
你说钱用完了，顿时，我心里有一种无法形容的感觉。
我不知道，我和你之间，到底怎么样形容。
我一直都把你当成是一个好朋友，
对你一直没有要求。
我只是希望你，能把我当成一个朋友，
对我坦诚。
似乎，我的这个要求也太过份了一点。
从我们的谈话，很多时候，我都觉得你好象在隐瞒着什么。
我不晓得是不是太多疑了。
太多太多的巧合，都让我觉得你对我不诚实。
今天，因为这件事，心情乱糟糟的。
原因不是因为我对你有要求，
或是有幻想。
而是，我不喜欢象猴子那样被耍。
我不喜欢被人欺骗，尤其是被我当成朋友的人。
经过这个事件之后，对你我也心灰意冷。
我不晓得有没有错怪你，
只不过，我想累了。
不想去想，不想去问。
也许，我们因为不同的文化，
不同的背景，所以想法不一样。
你曾经说过，我容易受骗，
所以我一直牢牢地记住。
也许，因为这样，你对我从来没有真诚过。
我想，就当是一个成长的教训吧。
成长，都是要付出代价的。
我也不知道怎么了。
我自己也无法解释。
今天，无意地打开Yahoo Messenger，
看到你的留言，问候我。
其实，心里是蛮开心的，
原来在国外的你，还会惦记我。
你和我说，你会去悉尼公干一个月，
而笨蛋的我，一点也没有对你的话质疑。
于是，看到你上网，便和你聊了几句。
你说，你昨日回来了。
我很惊讶，因为你最多只走了一个星期。
你说钱用完了，顿时，我心里有一种无法形容的感觉。
我不知道，我和你之间，到底怎么样形容。
我一直都把你当成是一个好朋友，
对你一直没有要求。
我只是希望你，能把我当成一个朋友，
对我坦诚。
似乎，我的这个要求也太过份了一点。
从我们的谈话，很多时候，我都觉得你好象在隐瞒着什么。
我不晓得是不是太多疑了。
太多太多的巧合，都让我觉得你对我不诚实。
今天，因为这件事，心情乱糟糟的。
原因不是因为我对你有要求，
或是有幻想。
而是，我不喜欢象猴子那样被耍。
我不喜欢被人欺骗，尤其是被我当成朋友的人。
经过这个事件之后，对你我也心灰意冷。
我不晓得有没有错怪你，
只不过，我想累了。
不想去想，不想去问。
也许，我们因为不同的文化，
不同的背景，所以想法不一样。
你曾经说过，我容易受骗，
所以我一直牢牢地记住。
也许，因为这样，你对我从来没有真诚过。
我想，就当是一个成长的教训吧。
成长，都是要付出代价的。
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
气馁
好久好久，没有对自己进行自我治疗。
以往，只要碰到什么不开心的事，
我不是去海边大声吼叫，
便是听张艾嘉那清晰的声音，来平静我的心情。
今天，我选择了万芳的专辑。
最近，觉得好气馁，做什么事都提不起劲。
不晓得是生理上，还是情绪上需要调养。
今天，碰了一鼻子灰，整个人好像要垮了。
首先，是被姐姐方飞机。
本来约好了要一起用膳，
却因为她的临时的一个会议而取消了。
她还是她，始终不曾说出一句“对不起”。
不晓得，何时何日，她才会衷心地和人道歉。
希望那一天，我不需要等太久。
然后，上司又和我说了一个坏消息。
香港的project又要延迟一个月。
听了之后，心情很差， 很气馁。
似乎他走马上任之后，没有一件事办得好。
我觉得我的motivation 不断地在减少，
不晓得我可以忍耐多久。
我一直告诉自己，一定要沉得住气，不可冲动。
希望，我真的做的到。
最近，我发现我的朋友越来越少了。
不晓得是因为我的心情不好，还是事实。
MSN 上长长的contact list，
可是想找人倾诉， 却找不到任何人。
一种很悲哀的感觉。
是我累了吗？
虽然最近常和他有联系，
可是我发现他还是在利用我。
所谓无事不登三宝店，
他常和我联系，无非是需要我帮忙。
真的感觉心灰意冷。
或许我们之间的感情，只是建立在能在我身上得到好处吧。
和你之间的情谊，
我想我也有点冷却下来。
我想，我累了。
不想去想，去猜测你有没有骗我。
从何你我之间的对话，
我觉得你似乎特意隐瞒一些事。
累了，我不想再多问，也不想再保持联络。
算了吧，散了吧。
看到同事们，我也觉得累了。
也许，很多时候，想法都不一样吧。
我不想一直留在comfort zone 里，
面对一群踏不出comfort zone 的人，
真的有点受不了，可是我却得逼自己接受。
有时候，真的想头也不回，就这样走出去。
最近的我，到底是怎么了？
以往，只要碰到什么不开心的事，
我不是去海边大声吼叫，
便是听张艾嘉那清晰的声音，来平静我的心情。
今天，我选择了万芳的专辑。
最近，觉得好气馁，做什么事都提不起劲。
不晓得是生理上，还是情绪上需要调养。
今天，碰了一鼻子灰，整个人好像要垮了。
首先，是被姐姐方飞机。
本来约好了要一起用膳，
却因为她的临时的一个会议而取消了。
她还是她，始终不曾说出一句“对不起”。
不晓得，何时何日，她才会衷心地和人道歉。
希望那一天，我不需要等太久。
然后，上司又和我说了一个坏消息。
香港的project又要延迟一个月。
听了之后，心情很差， 很气馁。
似乎他走马上任之后，没有一件事办得好。
我觉得我的motivation 不断地在减少，
不晓得我可以忍耐多久。
我一直告诉自己，一定要沉得住气，不可冲动。
希望，我真的做的到。
最近，我发现我的朋友越来越少了。
不晓得是因为我的心情不好，还是事实。
MSN 上长长的contact list，
可是想找人倾诉， 却找不到任何人。
一种很悲哀的感觉。
是我累了吗？
虽然最近常和他有联系，
可是我发现他还是在利用我。
所谓无事不登三宝店，
他常和我联系，无非是需要我帮忙。
真的感觉心灰意冷。
或许我们之间的感情，只是建立在能在我身上得到好处吧。
和你之间的情谊，
我想我也有点冷却下来。
我想，我累了。
不想去想，去猜测你有没有骗我。
从何你我之间的对话，
我觉得你似乎特意隐瞒一些事。
累了，我不想再多问，也不想再保持联络。
算了吧，散了吧。
看到同事们，我也觉得累了。
也许，很多时候，想法都不一样吧。
我不想一直留在comfort zone 里，
面对一群踏不出comfort zone 的人，
真的有点受不了，可是我却得逼自己接受。
有时候，真的想头也不回，就这样走出去。
最近的我，到底是怎么了？
Saturday, March 31, 2007
成熟
最近刚和几个旧同事聚会，和他们聊起我的工作时，
其中一位同事觉得，我的处事待人成熟了。
事由因为最近上司请了一名漂亮的女员工，
虽然她的工作表现不好，态度还算不错。
我生气，不是因为她不好，而是上司请错人。
或许，这位同事是对的，在待人处事方面，我的确少了以前的霸气。
这三年来，在这间公司任职，让我放眼看天下。
这世界上没有永远的朋友，更没有永远的敌人。
刚出道时，只要我认为那个人的表现不理想，
我会毫不犹豫地给警告。
后来，我发现我真的不可以用自己的要求去衡量别人的表现。
毕竟，我们是不同的人。
说穿了，只是一份工作，没必要搞到再一次见面时，连朋友都没得做。
我想，这应该是成熟吧。
最近，我似乎有点想通了。
在旧老板离职之后，我一直有点替他打抱不平。
甚至到新老板上任之后，一直都在做比较。
毕竟，旧老板是我难得遇到的好老板。
所以，我一直很欣赏他。
渐渐地，我的视线越来越狭窄，也越来越爱做比较。
所以，一直很不开心。
我甚至想，离职之后，去投靠他，放弃自己的梦想。
最近我才发现，有些东西曾经遇过，就应该满足了。
做人应该往前看，不应该一直停留在过去的时光。
更不应该为了欣赏的人，放弃自己的梦想。
如果这样，我以后一定会后悔，
更会走不出旧老板的影子。
不晓得， 这样算成熟吗？
还是领悟呢？
无论如何，路还是要自己走出来，
不应该被别人左右着。
虽然我不晓得，我会不会再一次遇到我欣赏的上司，
可是毕竟是我的选择。
无论结果如何，路上的风风雨雨，
应该会陪伴我成长， 成熟。
也会把我推向我更想成为的人——
一个成熟，有内涵，有谈吐，有魅力的女人。
希望我真的可以成为我想成为的女人。
其中一位同事觉得，我的处事待人成熟了。
事由因为最近上司请了一名漂亮的女员工，
虽然她的工作表现不好，态度还算不错。
我生气，不是因为她不好，而是上司请错人。
或许，这位同事是对的，在待人处事方面，我的确少了以前的霸气。
这三年来，在这间公司任职，让我放眼看天下。
这世界上没有永远的朋友，更没有永远的敌人。
刚出道时，只要我认为那个人的表现不理想，
我会毫不犹豫地给警告。
后来，我发现我真的不可以用自己的要求去衡量别人的表现。
毕竟，我们是不同的人。
说穿了，只是一份工作，没必要搞到再一次见面时，连朋友都没得做。
我想，这应该是成熟吧。
最近，我似乎有点想通了。
在旧老板离职之后，我一直有点替他打抱不平。
甚至到新老板上任之后，一直都在做比较。
毕竟，旧老板是我难得遇到的好老板。
所以，我一直很欣赏他。
渐渐地，我的视线越来越狭窄，也越来越爱做比较。
所以，一直很不开心。
我甚至想，离职之后，去投靠他，放弃自己的梦想。
最近我才发现，有些东西曾经遇过，就应该满足了。
做人应该往前看，不应该一直停留在过去的时光。
更不应该为了欣赏的人，放弃自己的梦想。
如果这样，我以后一定会后悔，
更会走不出旧老板的影子。
不晓得， 这样算成熟吗？
还是领悟呢？
无论如何，路还是要自己走出来，
不应该被别人左右着。
虽然我不晓得，我会不会再一次遇到我欣赏的上司，
可是毕竟是我的选择。
无论结果如何，路上的风风雨雨，
应该会陪伴我成长， 成熟。
也会把我推向我更想成为的人——
一个成熟，有内涵，有谈吐，有魅力的女人。
希望我真的可以成为我想成为的女人。
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Taken for granted
Let me start off with a cheery mood though i think i had a bad week. Yes, finally i hit the target i set for myself abeit one week late. Anyway, it feels good. Finally, i understood the meaning of zig zag diet. Yes, i learnt something important too, never give up halfway, no matter how hard the road is. I think that is one of the good things that happened to me this week apart from Grandma's birthday which i took lots of pictures. I was being sentimental because I know next year this time, i would be in a foreign land alone, lonely. So i need all those beautiful moments to be captured.
Something happened this week that made me realise we tend to take things for granted and i truly learnt a lesson, a lesson that i will remember, not to send out emails late in the middle of the night and most importantly, face to face converstaion is always better than technology.
It so happened that another fren of mine and myself would be in HK around the same time. So we planned to go trekking on sat. As we were ambitious, we decided to do 2 treks, one in the morning and one in the evening. Having that kind of plan, we thought we would do with a dinner at the peak and then a good night sleep in my hotel. After the morning trek, we would check in to her hotel and followed by the evening trek.
It was at this moment we received news that two of our old time frens would be joining us. And we did have a some problem with accommodation. For sat, it was all right as my fren's hotel could accommodate 4 persons, but i had a slight problem with 4 in my hotel if sat was going to be a busy day. At first, i tot it would be good to have all 4 in the hotel, we could have an all night out. After much consideration, i tot it would be better for the 2 gals to get a hotel due to the long journey ahead on sat.
Hence, having discussed with my fren, i wrote an email in the middle of the night and listing down some of the hotels and logistics stuff. Happily i tot everything was settled, and i tot everyone should be happy and everyone would take the content of my email as it is. Alas, i was wrong, very wrong.
That very morning when the email was sent, i received a "weird" sms from one of the gals. She is considered a close fren who knew me well enough. She asked if i was uncomfortable with 2 idiots tagging along. From that message i knew, somebody misinterpreted my message. Oh my god. Then my fren agreed, said the content of the email could be misleading. It was better to talk face to face though she knew i did not have that kind of intention to make people feel unwelcome. So at that moment, it dawned on me that i was being too curt in the email. I wished i have re-read the email before hitting the send button. It was never never my intention to mean the other way in the email. I felt i had taken our friendship for granted, that everyone knows me well enough to know my intention in the email.
That very evening i called the gal who sent me the sms. She told me she was not in anyway affected by my email. She knew of my good intentions when she read the email becos she knew me well enough. But she cant say the same for the other gal. She tot she was imposing on me. I cant blame the other gal. It was ten odd years we knew each other, but we were not that close and thus which led her to interpret the email the other way. After ending the first call, i called her immediately to explain the whole scenario. I felt it was important to clear up the whole misunderstanding as i valued all their friendship a lot and it was not worth it to fall out because of one small misunderstanding. This gal was apologetic as well. She felt she din inform us earlier that both of them were bunking in. Actually, i kept assuring her it was all right. Both of us were not in the least imposed. Just that the logistics we had to settle before they reached HK.
After the call, i felt so much better. It was a bad feeling to be misunderstood really. I was lucky that i managed to resolve it in time, otherwise i think everyone will be unhappy during the trekking. I also learnt an important lesson. Do not rely on technology tool to convey messages especially important ones that are personal related. They do not have tone and it is easy for the messages to go the other way. Lastly, do not take anyone for granted especially people who have been close ard you. It is always good to exercise some form of repsect between frens.
Hopefully the 4 of us can enjoy the trek in HK and make it memorable.
Something happened this week that made me realise we tend to take things for granted and i truly learnt a lesson, a lesson that i will remember, not to send out emails late in the middle of the night and most importantly, face to face converstaion is always better than technology.
It so happened that another fren of mine and myself would be in HK around the same time. So we planned to go trekking on sat. As we were ambitious, we decided to do 2 treks, one in the morning and one in the evening. Having that kind of plan, we thought we would do with a dinner at the peak and then a good night sleep in my hotel. After the morning trek, we would check in to her hotel and followed by the evening trek.
It was at this moment we received news that two of our old time frens would be joining us. And we did have a some problem with accommodation. For sat, it was all right as my fren's hotel could accommodate 4 persons, but i had a slight problem with 4 in my hotel if sat was going to be a busy day. At first, i tot it would be good to have all 4 in the hotel, we could have an all night out. After much consideration, i tot it would be better for the 2 gals to get a hotel due to the long journey ahead on sat.
Hence, having discussed with my fren, i wrote an email in the middle of the night and listing down some of the hotels and logistics stuff. Happily i tot everything was settled, and i tot everyone should be happy and everyone would take the content of my email as it is. Alas, i was wrong, very wrong.
That very morning when the email was sent, i received a "weird" sms from one of the gals. She is considered a close fren who knew me well enough. She asked if i was uncomfortable with 2 idiots tagging along. From that message i knew, somebody misinterpreted my message. Oh my god. Then my fren agreed, said the content of the email could be misleading. It was better to talk face to face though she knew i did not have that kind of intention to make people feel unwelcome. So at that moment, it dawned on me that i was being too curt in the email. I wished i have re-read the email before hitting the send button. It was never never my intention to mean the other way in the email. I felt i had taken our friendship for granted, that everyone knows me well enough to know my intention in the email.
That very evening i called the gal who sent me the sms. She told me she was not in anyway affected by my email. She knew of my good intentions when she read the email becos she knew me well enough. But she cant say the same for the other gal. She tot she was imposing on me. I cant blame the other gal. It was ten odd years we knew each other, but we were not that close and thus which led her to interpret the email the other way. After ending the first call, i called her immediately to explain the whole scenario. I felt it was important to clear up the whole misunderstanding as i valued all their friendship a lot and it was not worth it to fall out because of one small misunderstanding. This gal was apologetic as well. She felt she din inform us earlier that both of them were bunking in. Actually, i kept assuring her it was all right. Both of us were not in the least imposed. Just that the logistics we had to settle before they reached HK.
After the call, i felt so much better. It was a bad feeling to be misunderstood really. I was lucky that i managed to resolve it in time, otherwise i think everyone will be unhappy during the trekking. I also learnt an important lesson. Do not rely on technology tool to convey messages especially important ones that are personal related. They do not have tone and it is easy for the messages to go the other way. Lastly, do not take anyone for granted especially people who have been close ard you. It is always good to exercise some form of repsect between frens.
Hopefully the 4 of us can enjoy the trek in HK and make it memorable.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Searching blog
It is another Sunday, tomorrow Mr Xie Ting Feng will be coming back from Bali, wonder how he will spin off another new story with his Zhang Bo Zhi...haha. Anyway, I cannot be bothered, just counting down. This week i hit another plateau. I am taking it better than the previous time, maybe the first time is always the most difficult. Once you crossed that barrier, you will know how to handle yourself better. Whatever it is, I am not going to give up. There is always a tomorrow. :D
Met up with an old friend last Saturday. The meeting was spun off because she felt I was having some relationship problem. My vietnamese friend mentioned about transitting to my homeland and suggested a possible meet up. Anway, I am not too keen in meeting up. Actually at this point in time, I still do not know how to define our relationship. To me, it is definitely not love because I do not have that kind of strong feelings I once experienced before. My dear friend thought my love world had blossomed once again. I guess I am at ease with myself now, not having any expectations in romance. Truly, I am happy and contented. My only wish is I can get hold of a decent job Down Under. The rest can wait.
Anyway, it was a good meet up, catching up on each other's life. That is what old friends gatherings are meant to be. Just before we parted, she mentioned about a blog. Yes, a blog. It got me excited. Well, there is always a curious side of us, isn't it? Actually i have only read one blog that is written by a fren and i do not have a habit of reading other people's blog. But since she mentioned, i guess she is hesitating to tell me something (my imagination ran wild.....) Maybe she wanted to tell me something she could not put across, or maybe she just wanted to share her thoughts with me. I do not which, but the curiosity got the better of me and the very night itself, i started searching for her blog.
Come to think of it, i had known her for 10 odd years, but we have maintained a safety distance. During the progress of searching, suddenly i realised i did not really know her that well. I am an IT professional, and being equipped with the necessary skills, it is not difficult to track somebody down. But in order to do that, you need to at least know something about your target. For me, i tried a variety of terms that i could associate to her, but no luck. After 2 hours, i had to resort to sms for clues. In the end, it was one of the title of her posts that saved the days. When i finally found the blog, i realised her nick was something she mentioned to me many years ago (i got a fantastic memory). We were both fans of Wong Kar Wai and that was the last thing that could dawn on me to be her nick. I guess i really got to "relearn" things about this fren of mine.
I think at this juncture, my dear fren is still searching hard for my blog. Honestly, this blog was meant to be kept secret. I did not reveal my blog to anyone because that was the only way i could be honest with myself when i write. If i know somebody that knows me is reading this blog, at times i will take into considerations and write things that is not the "real" me. To me, that defeat the purpose of blogging. At least up till now, i can say all the posts here were written without any considerations of anyone's feelings, at least i been truthful to myself. Hopefully even when she managed to find my blog, i am still able to write using my real feelings.
I guess it is good to blog about your thoughts. Everyone, no matter how many friends you have, you are still you and it is the truth that none of your friends can ever see the true side of you. What they can is just to see part of the true you. By writing down your thoughts, you can see your own true self and it is through these that you reflect, progress, mature and become a better person. For me, bloggging is a way to relieve my thoughts though in recent years i have not been thinking that much. It is a way to tell me I am still a good person though in real life, many people see the "mask" i have been wearing and i feel most of the times i been wearing a very ugly mask. I guess that is just a way of hiding myself behind a shell. I do not like people to know too much about me.
Anyway for my dear fren, i hope you will continue to blog, to share your thoughts with me. We have progressed to different stages in life, so sometimes it is difficult for me to understand your thoughts. At this moment, i m still pursuing my dreams while you have decided to put your feet on the ground. Hopefully things will turn out fine for us. If things become difficult, endurance is the word.
Met up with an old friend last Saturday. The meeting was spun off because she felt I was having some relationship problem. My vietnamese friend mentioned about transitting to my homeland and suggested a possible meet up. Anway, I am not too keen in meeting up. Actually at this point in time, I still do not know how to define our relationship. To me, it is definitely not love because I do not have that kind of strong feelings I once experienced before. My dear friend thought my love world had blossomed once again. I guess I am at ease with myself now, not having any expectations in romance. Truly, I am happy and contented. My only wish is I can get hold of a decent job Down Under. The rest can wait.
Anyway, it was a good meet up, catching up on each other's life. That is what old friends gatherings are meant to be. Just before we parted, she mentioned about a blog. Yes, a blog. It got me excited. Well, there is always a curious side of us, isn't it? Actually i have only read one blog that is written by a fren and i do not have a habit of reading other people's blog. But since she mentioned, i guess she is hesitating to tell me something (my imagination ran wild.....) Maybe she wanted to tell me something she could not put across, or maybe she just wanted to share her thoughts with me. I do not which, but the curiosity got the better of me and the very night itself, i started searching for her blog.
Come to think of it, i had known her for 10 odd years, but we have maintained a safety distance. During the progress of searching, suddenly i realised i did not really know her that well. I am an IT professional, and being equipped with the necessary skills, it is not difficult to track somebody down. But in order to do that, you need to at least know something about your target. For me, i tried a variety of terms that i could associate to her, but no luck. After 2 hours, i had to resort to sms for clues. In the end, it was one of the title of her posts that saved the days. When i finally found the blog, i realised her nick was something she mentioned to me many years ago (i got a fantastic memory). We were both fans of Wong Kar Wai and that was the last thing that could dawn on me to be her nick. I guess i really got to "relearn" things about this fren of mine.
I think at this juncture, my dear fren is still searching hard for my blog. Honestly, this blog was meant to be kept secret. I did not reveal my blog to anyone because that was the only way i could be honest with myself when i write. If i know somebody that knows me is reading this blog, at times i will take into considerations and write things that is not the "real" me. To me, that defeat the purpose of blogging. At least up till now, i can say all the posts here were written without any considerations of anyone's feelings, at least i been truthful to myself. Hopefully even when she managed to find my blog, i am still able to write using my real feelings.
I guess it is good to blog about your thoughts. Everyone, no matter how many friends you have, you are still you and it is the truth that none of your friends can ever see the true side of you. What they can is just to see part of the true you. By writing down your thoughts, you can see your own true self and it is through these that you reflect, progress, mature and become a better person. For me, bloggging is a way to relieve my thoughts though in recent years i have not been thinking that much. It is a way to tell me I am still a good person though in real life, many people see the "mask" i have been wearing and i feel most of the times i been wearing a very ugly mask. I guess that is just a way of hiding myself behind a shell. I do not like people to know too much about me.
Anyway for my dear fren, i hope you will continue to blog, to share your thoughts with me. We have progressed to different stages in life, so sometimes it is difficult for me to understand your thoughts. At this moment, i m still pursuing my dreams while you have decided to put your feet on the ground. Hopefully things will turn out fine for us. If things become difficult, endurance is the word.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Finally....:D
Well, it has been a crazy week since i came back from Hong Kong last week. Looks like my weekend is going to be work work work. I hate that idea. The thought of it really puts me off. I have started to work later than usual. The feeling of unbalance is coming back. No good. I guess I did not have a good week this week.
Ok, something to rejoice about is I have finally hit below 60kgs. Yes, cheers to myself, all the hardwork has finally paid off. The sweat, the pain, the ache all of it. For the past 10-15 years, I have never seen myself hit below 60kgs. The closest I came was 61.5 about 2-3 years back. Anyway, when i got back from Hong Kong, i was just glad my efforts paid off. Before I left for my business trip, I was praying hard that I would just maintain my weight. I was close to 60kgs then. When I reached Hong Kong, it was really tough on me. First of all, Hong Kong was a food paradise. It was dim sum, my favourite and all the good desserts all around the corner. Secondly, I was on business trip, so the users at Hong Kong had to do their part to entertain us. So it was good food all 3 meals. I decided that should be stopped. So in order not to miss out the shopping, I went to gym every morning at 630 am. I thought that was really crazy of me. Luckily, this trip I was quite free that I could wake up at 6 every morning to go gym.
My typical schedule when i was in HK. At 6 am i would be awaken by the ever reliable mobile alarm. After some battle to get out of the bed, I would rush to boil water so that I could get a cup of hot tea before i ran down to the gym. Jason said hot tea would help me to burn faster, increased my metabolism. After that, it was about 1.25 hour at the gym. Then i would rush up again and prepared myself for work. That included showered and touching up and I would rush down to meet my ever early colleagues.
Actually I amazed my colleagues. They could not believe that i could actually get up at 6am everyday to go gym. Well, when i wanted to do something, my determination would be so strong that it beat everything. They feel i m depriving myself. Actually to me, that is a challenge in life. It shows that if i wanted to acheive something in life, i can go all out to do it. It tells me that in life, nothing is too difficult for me if i have the determination. Honestly, i do not feel deprvied at all because after every session of gym, i feel so good that my whole body is energised. It is something not many people can understand i supposed.
I feel i am still going strong. After this sunday, i m going for the ultimate challenge. My last 30 days challenge to reach the ultimate weight i have set for myself when i started on the personal training programme. Even if i do not reach the target i set, I think i can be proud of myself for all the achievements that I have had. My friends who had not seen me for a long time was shocked to see me losing so much weight. The people in the office told me i have to get tighter clothes and some old time friends were urging me to stop losing weight. But i m not really to call it quits yet. 4-5 kgs and yes i think i can safely say i should be there. And finally, i will never ever get the fats that i lost back.....is a promise to myself.
It feels so good to lose weight. My mind is strong, my training is intense and my nutrition is on the right track.
Ok, something to rejoice about is I have finally hit below 60kgs. Yes, cheers to myself, all the hardwork has finally paid off. The sweat, the pain, the ache all of it. For the past 10-15 years, I have never seen myself hit below 60kgs. The closest I came was 61.5 about 2-3 years back. Anyway, when i got back from Hong Kong, i was just glad my efforts paid off. Before I left for my business trip, I was praying hard that I would just maintain my weight. I was close to 60kgs then. When I reached Hong Kong, it was really tough on me. First of all, Hong Kong was a food paradise. It was dim sum, my favourite and all the good desserts all around the corner. Secondly, I was on business trip, so the users at Hong Kong had to do their part to entertain us. So it was good food all 3 meals. I decided that should be stopped. So in order not to miss out the shopping, I went to gym every morning at 630 am. I thought that was really crazy of me. Luckily, this trip I was quite free that I could wake up at 6 every morning to go gym.
My typical schedule when i was in HK. At 6 am i would be awaken by the ever reliable mobile alarm. After some battle to get out of the bed, I would rush to boil water so that I could get a cup of hot tea before i ran down to the gym. Jason said hot tea would help me to burn faster, increased my metabolism. After that, it was about 1.25 hour at the gym. Then i would rush up again and prepared myself for work. That included showered and touching up and I would rush down to meet my ever early colleagues.
Actually I amazed my colleagues. They could not believe that i could actually get up at 6am everyday to go gym. Well, when i wanted to do something, my determination would be so strong that it beat everything. They feel i m depriving myself. Actually to me, that is a challenge in life. It shows that if i wanted to acheive something in life, i can go all out to do it. It tells me that in life, nothing is too difficult for me if i have the determination. Honestly, i do not feel deprvied at all because after every session of gym, i feel so good that my whole body is energised. It is something not many people can understand i supposed.
I feel i am still going strong. After this sunday, i m going for the ultimate challenge. My last 30 days challenge to reach the ultimate weight i have set for myself when i started on the personal training programme. Even if i do not reach the target i set, I think i can be proud of myself for all the achievements that I have had. My friends who had not seen me for a long time was shocked to see me losing so much weight. The people in the office told me i have to get tighter clothes and some old time friends were urging me to stop losing weight. But i m not really to call it quits yet. 4-5 kgs and yes i think i can safely say i should be there. And finally, i will never ever get the fats that i lost back.....is a promise to myself.
It feels so good to lose weight. My mind is strong, my training is intense and my nutrition is on the right track.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
写万芳
昨日，和友人去看了于台烟和万芳的“好情歌”说唱会，
找回了那种好久已经没被感动的感觉。
直到现在，心情还无法平息。
我想，就如万芳说的，
如果把回忆放在脑袋里，回想起来，也会是一部很美的画面。
万芳的歌，其实陪伴了我无尽的岁月。
早在中学时代，就被她的歌声迷倒。
天生有着一副好嗓子的她，
却不曾大红大紫，
给我一种怀才不遇的感觉，
不禁怜惜她。
第一次看到她的现场表演，
是在十年前的一场校园演唱会。
第一次听到她的清唱，
深深地被她的声音迷住了。
再听到她的说话与举止，
我觉得她又是另一个有内涵的女人。
于是，我一等再等，
一等就是十年。
这一次再见到她，
又再一次被她的歌声迷倒了。
她是一个很专业的歌手，
歌唱时，全情投入。
我想她的歌声之那么动人，
多少与她的投入有关。
她要求台下的观众不要拍照，
因为闪光灯会影响她的情绪。
观众们，因为她的投入，也很听话。
她一开口说话，和她歌唱的时候，
是截然不同的人。
歌唱的她，歌声非常有爆发力，
说话的她，就好像一个小女人，很有魅力。
我还记得，她说，她好久没来了。
大家都成熟了，都长大了。
她说，就像她的“Fly Away" 歌词里，
想要成熟就要接受不完美。
多么发人省醒的一句话。
是的，从第一次听这首歌到现在，
我已经长大了，已经成熟了。
而如她说的，我也接受了生活的许多不完美。
她说，当她唱“试着了解”时，
台下经常有许多人在哭。
说真的，当她唱那首歌时，
的确触动了我的心灵。
眼泪也在眼睛里打滚。
我想我想起了他。
和他的无所不谈，到最后的无话可说，
我都试着了解。
我想，就如歌词里唱的，
他的喜悲，都不想我陪，所以我试着了解。
之前我就很喜欢这首歌，
可是在一次听到万芳诠释这首歌时，
又有另一番风味。
我想，万芳是除了张爱嘉， 刘若英之后，
我欣赏的另一个有内涵的女子。
虽然她不认识我，可是我希望她一切都好。
希望如她所希望的，每天都睡得好，吃得好。
天天都开心。
祝福你。
谢谢你，因为你的歌，
让我找回那很久没被感动的感觉。
找回了那种好久已经没被感动的感觉。
直到现在，心情还无法平息。
我想，就如万芳说的，
如果把回忆放在脑袋里，回想起来，也会是一部很美的画面。
万芳的歌，其实陪伴了我无尽的岁月。
早在中学时代，就被她的歌声迷倒。
天生有着一副好嗓子的她，
却不曾大红大紫，
给我一种怀才不遇的感觉，
不禁怜惜她。
第一次看到她的现场表演，
是在十年前的一场校园演唱会。
第一次听到她的清唱，
深深地被她的声音迷住了。
再听到她的说话与举止，
我觉得她又是另一个有内涵的女人。
于是，我一等再等，
一等就是十年。
这一次再见到她，
又再一次被她的歌声迷倒了。
她是一个很专业的歌手，
歌唱时，全情投入。
我想她的歌声之那么动人，
多少与她的投入有关。
她要求台下的观众不要拍照，
因为闪光灯会影响她的情绪。
观众们，因为她的投入，也很听话。
她一开口说话，和她歌唱的时候，
是截然不同的人。
歌唱的她，歌声非常有爆发力，
说话的她，就好像一个小女人，很有魅力。
我还记得，她说，她好久没来了。
大家都成熟了，都长大了。
她说，就像她的“Fly Away" 歌词里，
想要成熟就要接受不完美。
多么发人省醒的一句话。
是的，从第一次听这首歌到现在，
我已经长大了，已经成熟了。
而如她说的，我也接受了生活的许多不完美。
她说，当她唱“试着了解”时，
台下经常有许多人在哭。
说真的，当她唱那首歌时，
的确触动了我的心灵。
眼泪也在眼睛里打滚。
我想我想起了他。
和他的无所不谈，到最后的无话可说，
我都试着了解。
我想，就如歌词里唱的，
他的喜悲，都不想我陪，所以我试着了解。
之前我就很喜欢这首歌，
可是在一次听到万芳诠释这首歌时，
又有另一番风味。
我想，万芳是除了张爱嘉， 刘若英之后，
我欣赏的另一个有内涵的女子。
虽然她不认识我，可是我希望她一切都好。
希望如她所希望的，每天都睡得好，吃得好。
天天都开心。
祝福你。
谢谢你，因为你的歌，
让我找回那很久没被感动的感觉。
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
香港篇 （于Excelsior Hotel)
终于到了香港。这是我的第三个站，也是最后一站。
感触很多，一直在倒数着离家的日子，离开熟悉的一切。
这是我第二次到香港，其实并不喜欢香港。
原因是应为太热闹了，不适合度假的心情。
这是我第一次到香港工干。
我发现其实， 香港人都很勤劳。
原来，香港比较适合公干的心情。
这次来到香港，意外地太空闲。
于是，我便到处走走逛逛。
才发现，香港的服务水平真的比新加坡高。
也发现香港的夜生活，的确比新加坡精彩。
就趁这最后的两天，
好好地感染她的朝气蓬勃。
让我好好地记住在香港的那轻松心情。
香港那冷冷的天气，
那懒洋洋的心情，
那充满人群的街道，
那数不尽的美食，
我都要一一地记下来。
因为我不晓得这会不会是我最后一次的公干。
我一定要把公干的心情都记下来。
感触很多，一直在倒数着离家的日子，离开熟悉的一切。
这是我第二次到香港，其实并不喜欢香港。
原因是应为太热闹了，不适合度假的心情。
这是我第一次到香港工干。
我发现其实， 香港人都很勤劳。
原来，香港比较适合公干的心情。
这次来到香港，意外地太空闲。
于是，我便到处走走逛逛。
才发现，香港的服务水平真的比新加坡高。
也发现香港的夜生活，的确比新加坡精彩。
就趁这最后的两天，
好好地感染她的朝气蓬勃。
让我好好地记住在香港的那轻松心情。
香港那冷冷的天气，
那懒洋洋的心情，
那充满人群的街道，
那数不尽的美食，
我都要一一地记下来。
因为我不晓得这会不会是我最后一次的公干。
我一定要把公干的心情都记下来。
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Weighing Machine
Hmm, it is another grey week for me. It seems the effort put in and the results of the weighing machine do not tally again. :(
Eversince i started on my PT (personal training) program, i have been weighing myself consistently. Sunday thus has became the day that i love and hate. The mixture of feelings when i stand on the dreaded weighing machine. The feelings i think is like a prisoner sentenced to the gallows. If it is a good week, i would feel like a prisoner that had been granted appeal. If it is a bad week, the feeling is like counting down to my deadline.
I would say it is really emotional draining. It seemed i hit another plateau again. I have been at this weight for 2 weeks. Not sure if the CNY has anything to do with it. When i looked back at the food diary, actually, this week i have been eating more than the normal. Shouldn't i be feeling happy that i managed to maintain my weight?
Actually to be honest, i have been making good progress apart from the figures from the weighing machine. My clothes are much looser, i feel stronger and my body is more toned. But, the facts and figures do not tally and i need to do something to lift myself out of this plateau.
In another one week, i will be off for business trip again. Really dread business trip because it means i will be out of sync on my diet and exercise plan. Hmm, when can i go below sub 60? I remembered one of my goals is to go below that sub 30 for my waistline. I have achieved that rather easily, but it was much more difficult for my weight.
Though it was emotional draining and demoralising, i am not ready to call it quits. There is always a tomorrow. I remembered there is a saying: Just keep working out, and you will get out of the plateau soon. This week, i think i have to review my plans with my trainer. It seems like for 2 weeks, i m getting nowhere. Hmmm.
Hopefully, next week will be a better week for me. Give myself a break on mon and thu. Cheer up, one day i will be there as long as i believe in my convictions. Hopefully the dreaded feeling of the weighing machine will soon go away.
Eversince i started on my PT (personal training) program, i have been weighing myself consistently. Sunday thus has became the day that i love and hate. The mixture of feelings when i stand on the dreaded weighing machine. The feelings i think is like a prisoner sentenced to the gallows. If it is a good week, i would feel like a prisoner that had been granted appeal. If it is a bad week, the feeling is like counting down to my deadline.
I would say it is really emotional draining. It seemed i hit another plateau again. I have been at this weight for 2 weeks. Not sure if the CNY has anything to do with it. When i looked back at the food diary, actually, this week i have been eating more than the normal. Shouldn't i be feeling happy that i managed to maintain my weight?
Actually to be honest, i have been making good progress apart from the figures from the weighing machine. My clothes are much looser, i feel stronger and my body is more toned. But, the facts and figures do not tally and i need to do something to lift myself out of this plateau.
In another one week, i will be off for business trip again. Really dread business trip because it means i will be out of sync on my diet and exercise plan. Hmm, when can i go below sub 60? I remembered one of my goals is to go below that sub 30 for my waistline. I have achieved that rather easily, but it was much more difficult for my weight.
Though it was emotional draining and demoralising, i am not ready to call it quits. There is always a tomorrow. I remembered there is a saying: Just keep working out, and you will get out of the plateau soon. This week, i think i have to review my plans with my trainer. It seems like for 2 weeks, i m getting nowhere. Hmmm.
Hopefully, next week will be a better week for me. Give myself a break on mon and thu. Cheer up, one day i will be there as long as i believe in my convictions. Hopefully the dreaded feeling of the weighing machine will soon go away.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Books
Happy Chinese New Year to all those who celebrate the occasion. It had been a good new year I must say. Probably I did the Chinese New Year with 'heart' this year. When you put your heart to something, the outcome is always different.
Anyway, it is said that Green is my lucky colour these few days. So Green it shall be. Was in a pretty relaxed mode probably due to the long weekend that has just passed. Went for a short progressive run today. Feeling quite all right. After the run, i decide to run down to the bookstore and grab a few books. Haven been reading for a while.
Actually, i had a few books in mind before i step ino Kino. Well, my first attempt failed. It was a Chinese novel by Rene Liu. The book went out of stock. No doubt I was disappointed, but perhaps it was just not meant to be. But, i will be back for the book, I promised. As i was browsing the Psychology section, I chanced on the Art of War. Actually, I have been eyeing on this book for a long time. I always felt i was too emtional at times during work. I ought to read some strategy book to improve myself. When i saw this book, i think it was fated. Without second thoughts, I grabbed it. I think I will start reading it tomorrow when i m bound for work.
I still had 2 books in mind. It was recommended by a guy whom i held high respect for. The first was The Tipping Point. After reading the synopsis, it sounds like an interesting book. Another kind of book that offers a different perspective to things. It is a pretty old book, published back in 2001. Back then, i have not appreciated the essence of readng. As you grow older, you tend to become more indoors, i guess. The second book has to do with Economics. It is called Freakonomics. Frankly, i am not really interested in reading serious book about analysing the economy, how to get rich etc, how to manage your finances. But this book caught my attention because it was written in a rather hiliarious way. So i grabbed these two as well.
Finally back to the Psychology section. Was contemplating on grabbing a book on Stumbling on happiness. I decided otherwise. Give myself a break. After i finished all these books, maybe i will make another trip down to Kino. Take it as a chance to reward myself.
It is really funny that i begin to read more as i grow older. Wonder if that is a sign of aging. I used to hate reading, it had more to do with my character. I was like a wild horse that had to be on the run all the time. Reading, to me is a sign of weakness, a sign of timidness, being indoors. Alas, as i grew older, i realised i have to read to improve myself. Maybe the wild horse has became an old horse that needed rest. Whatever it is, i am enjoying every bit of my new found hobby.
Indeed, it has been a fruitful day, stay happy.
p.s. received a very weird yahoo message just before i knocked off from a fren in Hanoi. Not sure what went wrong for him today, whatever it is, i hope he will be happy and stay strong. Is a pity i cannot be with him all the time, but i m rooting for him always.
Anyway, it is said that Green is my lucky colour these few days. So Green it shall be. Was in a pretty relaxed mode probably due to the long weekend that has just passed. Went for a short progressive run today. Feeling quite all right. After the run, i decide to run down to the bookstore and grab a few books. Haven been reading for a while.
Actually, i had a few books in mind before i step ino Kino. Well, my first attempt failed. It was a Chinese novel by Rene Liu. The book went out of stock. No doubt I was disappointed, but perhaps it was just not meant to be. But, i will be back for the book, I promised. As i was browsing the Psychology section, I chanced on the Art of War. Actually, I have been eyeing on this book for a long time. I always felt i was too emtional at times during work. I ought to read some strategy book to improve myself. When i saw this book, i think it was fated. Without second thoughts, I grabbed it. I think I will start reading it tomorrow when i m bound for work.
I still had 2 books in mind. It was recommended by a guy whom i held high respect for. The first was The Tipping Point. After reading the synopsis, it sounds like an interesting book. Another kind of book that offers a different perspective to things. It is a pretty old book, published back in 2001. Back then, i have not appreciated the essence of readng. As you grow older, you tend to become more indoors, i guess. The second book has to do with Economics. It is called Freakonomics. Frankly, i am not really interested in reading serious book about analysing the economy, how to get rich etc, how to manage your finances. But this book caught my attention because it was written in a rather hiliarious way. So i grabbed these two as well.
Finally back to the Psychology section. Was contemplating on grabbing a book on Stumbling on happiness. I decided otherwise. Give myself a break. After i finished all these books, maybe i will make another trip down to Kino. Take it as a chance to reward myself.
It is really funny that i begin to read more as i grow older. Wonder if that is a sign of aging. I used to hate reading, it had more to do with my character. I was like a wild horse that had to be on the run all the time. Reading, to me is a sign of weakness, a sign of timidness, being indoors. Alas, as i grew older, i realised i have to read to improve myself. Maybe the wild horse has became an old horse that needed rest. Whatever it is, i am enjoying every bit of my new found hobby.
Indeed, it has been a fruitful day, stay happy.
p.s. received a very weird yahoo message just before i knocked off from a fren in Hanoi. Not sure what went wrong for him today, whatever it is, i hope he will be happy and stay strong. Is a pity i cannot be with him all the time, but i m rooting for him always.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
新年快乐
今天是年除夕，心情很好。
也许，因为离家的日子越来越近了，
所以，我选择开心地渡过每一天，尤其是新年。
今天，我起得很早，吃了早点，便去跑步。
然后，我便开始准备团圆午餐与晚餐。
从十一点钟开始煮，一直到三点钟，我们才开始吃。
虽然很累，但很有成就感。
我想，我会一直记住这个新年，我当时的心情。
今天，我终于用“心”过新年了。
今天，也收到很多朋友的简讯。
感觉很好，原来有那么多朋友记得我。
也许，其实我们认识的人往往比自己知道得多吧。
我想，收到祝福是一件开心的事吧。
今天，很意外地收到远方的你的祝福。
那种感觉，是意外，窝心和兴奋的交叠。
昨日在和你连线，和你互相道贺新年。
我和你说了今天的团圆饭情景。
我和你说，如果你在的话，那该多好。
我想，唯一能感觉你在我的身边，就是传简讯给你。
你说你不能传给我，只能接受。
臭小子，竟然给了我那么好的惊喜。
其实，我真的没有想到你会回复，真得让你破费了。
今天，在跑步的当儿，想起了你。
我想，在2006年，最好的一件事，就是认识了你。
我想起我们的关系。
虽然我们的谈话都很“亲密”，
可是我真的只是把你当成一个朋友，一个知己。
虽然我们的谈话总离不开hugs, kissess and misses，
可是我觉得是两个好朋友的沟通方式。
我想，我们的关系蛮微妙的。
对你，我没有要求，所以我永远不会有失望。
希望，我们这样的关系，可以常常久久。
今天，感觉很好，已经好久没有那么at ease 了。
希望来临的猪年，大家一切都好。
大家身体健康，平安快乐。
我对自己的展望，只希望自己会开心，不要奢求什么。
祝大家新年快乐。
也许，因为离家的日子越来越近了，
所以，我选择开心地渡过每一天，尤其是新年。
今天，我起得很早，吃了早点，便去跑步。
然后，我便开始准备团圆午餐与晚餐。
从十一点钟开始煮，一直到三点钟，我们才开始吃。
虽然很累，但很有成就感。
我想，我会一直记住这个新年，我当时的心情。
今天，我终于用“心”过新年了。
今天，也收到很多朋友的简讯。
感觉很好，原来有那么多朋友记得我。
也许，其实我们认识的人往往比自己知道得多吧。
我想，收到祝福是一件开心的事吧。
今天，很意外地收到远方的你的祝福。
那种感觉，是意外，窝心和兴奋的交叠。
昨日在和你连线，和你互相道贺新年。
我和你说了今天的团圆饭情景。
我和你说，如果你在的话，那该多好。
我想，唯一能感觉你在我的身边，就是传简讯给你。
你说你不能传给我，只能接受。
臭小子，竟然给了我那么好的惊喜。
其实，我真的没有想到你会回复，真得让你破费了。
今天，在跑步的当儿，想起了你。
我想，在2006年，最好的一件事，就是认识了你。
我想起我们的关系。
虽然我们的谈话都很“亲密”，
可是我真的只是把你当成一个朋友，一个知己。
虽然我们的谈话总离不开hugs, kissess and misses，
可是我觉得是两个好朋友的沟通方式。
我想，我们的关系蛮微妙的。
对你，我没有要求，所以我永远不会有失望。
希望，我们这样的关系，可以常常久久。
今天，感觉很好，已经好久没有那么at ease 了。
希望来临的猪年，大家一切都好。
大家身体健康，平安快乐。
我对自己的展望，只希望自己会开心，不要奢求什么。
祝大家新年快乐。
Thursday, February 15, 2007
情人节
今年的情人节，和往年一样，过得很平淡。
上了kickboxing 课之后，收到好友的简讯。
我们都习惯在这么一天，庆祝友情节。
回了简讯之后，在回家的途中，我想起了身边“亲密”的人。
和友人已经步入第十个年头的友情。
我一直很庆幸，这十年里，一直有她的陪伴。
我何得何能， 今世能遇到一个那么志同道合的知己。
从她的身上，我学会了，即使有聪明的头脑，还是可以选择简单的生活。
思绪飞呀飞的，想起在远方的你。
情人节那天，你没有上网。
我想，可能你正和你亲密的爱人渡过吧。
我一直都不相信，你是孤家寡人一个。
今天，和你连线了。
第一句话，就是你想我。
对我来说，那很窝心，可是我也不觉得是真的。
可能，距离太远了，所以是真是假，我也无法分辨。
我的安全感又在作祟了。
我说我不信，你竟给我一个心碎的脸。
哈。
我想我很享受这样的沟通方式。
一种没有约束，没有期望的友情。
我的确是蛮想念我们相遇的那一段日子。
虽然很短，可是那感觉很好。
所以，我觉得认识你，很开心。
和另一个人比较下，我会比较愿意和你保持联络。
情人节，也想起了他。
他很久没找我了。
对我而言，他已经过去了。
很庆幸，我们还能保留这段友谊。
我始终觉得，他伤害了我。
不过，伤口已经痊愈了。
所以，不再排斥，不再逃避。
那天，和好友聊起他。
好友已经对他失去兴趣。
好友对你比较有兴趣。
哈。
和好友说，那一天和他一起出席婚宴。
散场时，我独自回家。
意外地受到他的简讯，要我到家时，回他简讯报平安。
我觉得莫名其妙，不过礼貌上还是回了。
他，竟然回复我。
那一刻，我想那个简讯迟了整整四年。
好友觉得，这个人很奇怪。
不时忽冷忽热。
当时，正在琢磨是否要和他说我即将离别。
后来，觉得真的没这个必要。
该了断的，已经在四年前就了断了。
我又何必节外生枝呢？
想起他，常常都有种无奈的感觉。
我想，我要的爱情真的不是这样。
我希望我想起某人时，
会是开心的， 窝心的。
纵然没有结果，我也心甘情愿。
我不想一直记住自己被另一个人伤得有多深。
所以，我决定让他随风而逝。
明年的情人节，我会在那里呢？
希望会有不同的收获。
上了kickboxing 课之后，收到好友的简讯。
我们都习惯在这么一天，庆祝友情节。
回了简讯之后，在回家的途中，我想起了身边“亲密”的人。
和友人已经步入第十个年头的友情。
我一直很庆幸，这十年里，一直有她的陪伴。
我何得何能， 今世能遇到一个那么志同道合的知己。
从她的身上，我学会了，即使有聪明的头脑，还是可以选择简单的生活。
思绪飞呀飞的，想起在远方的你。
情人节那天，你没有上网。
我想，可能你正和你亲密的爱人渡过吧。
我一直都不相信，你是孤家寡人一个。
今天，和你连线了。
第一句话，就是你想我。
对我来说，那很窝心，可是我也不觉得是真的。
可能，距离太远了，所以是真是假，我也无法分辨。
我的安全感又在作祟了。
我说我不信，你竟给我一个心碎的脸。
哈。
我想我很享受这样的沟通方式。
一种没有约束，没有期望的友情。
我的确是蛮想念我们相遇的那一段日子。
虽然很短，可是那感觉很好。
所以，我觉得认识你，很开心。
和另一个人比较下，我会比较愿意和你保持联络。
情人节，也想起了他。
他很久没找我了。
对我而言，他已经过去了。
很庆幸，我们还能保留这段友谊。
我始终觉得，他伤害了我。
不过，伤口已经痊愈了。
所以，不再排斥，不再逃避。
那天，和好友聊起他。
好友已经对他失去兴趣。
好友对你比较有兴趣。
哈。
和好友说，那一天和他一起出席婚宴。
散场时，我独自回家。
意外地受到他的简讯，要我到家时，回他简讯报平安。
我觉得莫名其妙，不过礼貌上还是回了。
他，竟然回复我。
那一刻，我想那个简讯迟了整整四年。
好友觉得，这个人很奇怪。
不时忽冷忽热。
当时，正在琢磨是否要和他说我即将离别。
后来，觉得真的没这个必要。
该了断的，已经在四年前就了断了。
我又何必节外生枝呢？
想起他，常常都有种无奈的感觉。
我想，我要的爱情真的不是这样。
我希望我想起某人时，
会是开心的， 窝心的。
纵然没有结果，我也心甘情愿。
我不想一直记住自己被另一个人伤得有多深。
所以，我决定让他随风而逝。
明年的情人节，我会在那里呢？
希望会有不同的收获。
Monday, February 12, 2007
窝心的感觉
今天，又再一次和你连线了。
感觉好窝心。
你问我，有没有想念你。
其实，我有注意到你这几天都没有上网。
如果，那算是想念，我想应该是有吧。
我觉得和你聊天，是一种很棒的感觉。
可能，我对你已经没有期望，
所以就不会有失望。
也因为我们的距离，
所以我想我们可以做聊天的朋友。
你说过几天又会带新加坡团。
我想，你因为新加坡而认识了我，
因为我，对新加坡有着一股亲切感。
你又会借着新加坡团，想起我们短短的日子。
我只能说，那段日子很短，但很美。
它，已经成为我记忆的一部分。
那天看到河内的照片，
又想起那一段日子。
真的好想回去。
我知道，我始终要面对现实。
真的，希望我们能再见面，
更希望我们能永远保持那窝心的感觉。
祝福你！
感觉好窝心。
你问我，有没有想念你。
其实，我有注意到你这几天都没有上网。
如果，那算是想念，我想应该是有吧。
我觉得和你聊天，是一种很棒的感觉。
可能，我对你已经没有期望，
所以就不会有失望。
也因为我们的距离，
所以我想我们可以做聊天的朋友。
你说过几天又会带新加坡团。
我想，你因为新加坡而认识了我，
因为我，对新加坡有着一股亲切感。
你又会借着新加坡团，想起我们短短的日子。
我只能说，那段日子很短，但很美。
它，已经成为我记忆的一部分。
那天看到河内的照片，
又想起那一段日子。
真的好想回去。
我知道，我始终要面对现实。
真的，希望我们能再见面，
更希望我们能永远保持那窝心的感觉。
祝福你！
Monday, February 05, 2007
安全感
今天，心情不是很漂亮。
又再为公事而懊恼。
于是，我决定，应该是放轻松的时候了。
那天，去观赏了《生日快乐》，由一股被感动的感觉。
我想，我哭了。
为了男女主角的爱情，我哭了。
我想，当谈到情感时，我还是容易被感动的。
看到小米，我觉得看到自己。
忽然间，我才恍然大悟。
原来，自己对爱情，一直都没有安全感。
我不知道，我是否可以和一个人常想厮守。
所以，我一直徘徊着。
在情人节来临之际，我还不能明确地说出我是否想settle down。
很悲哀。
小南送小米手机的那一幕， 依然很清晰。
小米拒绝小南，因为她不想当她想他时，却找不到他。
我想，我也是这样的一个人。
我一直不喜欢拨电话给人，因为我不喜欢那种想找人聊天，却是空等待。
久而久之，就养成和自己说话的习惯。
小米要和小南做，比情人还要好的朋友。
我，能了解。
小米不希望有一天会和小南分开， 不希望为他伤心落泪。
做好朋友，因为没有要求，所以就不会吵架，就不会分开。
这，也是我。
小米，不希望自己的世界里，多了一份爱情，也多了一份忧伤。
看了这部电影之后，有点心碎。
小米，因为自己的安全感，而错过了真正爱她的人。
我，不晓得有没有因为我的安全感，而错过真正爱我的人？
还是因为我的安全感，而举起不定呢？
希望，我能对爱情有多一点点的信心。
希望，在新的一年里，能找到愿意守护我的人。
如果有，我一定不让我的安全感作祟。
又再为公事而懊恼。
于是，我决定，应该是放轻松的时候了。
那天，去观赏了《生日快乐》，由一股被感动的感觉。
我想，我哭了。
为了男女主角的爱情，我哭了。
我想，当谈到情感时，我还是容易被感动的。
看到小米，我觉得看到自己。
忽然间，我才恍然大悟。
原来，自己对爱情，一直都没有安全感。
我不知道，我是否可以和一个人常想厮守。
所以，我一直徘徊着。
在情人节来临之际，我还不能明确地说出我是否想settle down。
很悲哀。
小南送小米手机的那一幕， 依然很清晰。
小米拒绝小南，因为她不想当她想他时，却找不到他。
我想，我也是这样的一个人。
我一直不喜欢拨电话给人，因为我不喜欢那种想找人聊天，却是空等待。
久而久之，就养成和自己说话的习惯。
小米要和小南做，比情人还要好的朋友。
我，能了解。
小米不希望有一天会和小南分开， 不希望为他伤心落泪。
做好朋友，因为没有要求，所以就不会吵架，就不会分开。
这，也是我。
小米，不希望自己的世界里，多了一份爱情，也多了一份忧伤。
看了这部电影之后，有点心碎。
小米，因为自己的安全感，而错过了真正爱她的人。
我，不晓得有没有因为我的安全感，而错过真正爱我的人？
还是因为我的安全感，而举起不定呢？
希望，我能对爱情有多一点点的信心。
希望，在新的一年里，能找到愿意守护我的人。
如果有，我一定不让我的安全感作祟。
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Pineapple Tarts
Chinese new year is coming. From the part of the world that I come from, everyone is in festive mood. It is the most celebrated festival in my country. Shops will be closed and most people will be visiting their relatives.
Honestly, i do not really like Chinese New Year because it is so boring. Shops are closed, no food available except fast food restaurant. That is the only time in my country that you will have problem finding something decent to eat, except fast food. And for New Year's visiting, it seemed like a routine to me. But i think this year, i felt different because it will be my last Chinese New Year before i depart for Australia to achieve my dreams. Somehow, i tend to take it in different stride, i wanted to remember every part of the last Chinese New Year I have here before i leave.
Look at the pineapple tarts in the picture, don't they looked professinal like what was sold in the markets? This year, I made them myself. I went over to an ex-colleague's house to learn the skills from her. Yesterday, i spend the whole day making them and thank God it turned out well. But, i had a few arguments with Mum during the process. I think I am still me, still so hot headed. Even so, Mother tend to forgive their children easily. I was feeling guilty though for shouting. When i m on my bad day, everything will tend to come out. So i must try to restrain myself.
Come to think of it, I think i will miss my country a lot when i leave, especially Chinese New Year when we have reunion dinner, and we would play mahjong till dawn the next day wif my siblings. Next year this time, I suppose i will be alone in a foreign land, missing them badly. But i know, that will only make me stronger, and one day I will be back again.
安慰
那天，和你连线了。
是开心，也很安慰。
我对你，已经不再思念了。
我知道，我已经把你当成一个朋友来看待。
也许，回来一个月了，
渐渐地，我也回到现实。
给你看了我的网上的照片，
很安慰你还记得我们的一起合拍的那唯一照片。
你说，你很失望，没看到那张照片。
我始终不想，把它放上网。
总觉得，那是我一个很美的回忆，
所以想私人收藏。
你和我要了那张相片，
说已经做成wallpaper。
我觉得很搞笑。
无论如何，和感谢你停流过。
也许，人越老越会珍惜身边的人与物。
但愿我们能再一次相见吧。
是开心，也很安慰。
我对你，已经不再思念了。
我知道，我已经把你当成一个朋友来看待。
也许，回来一个月了，
渐渐地，我也回到现实。
给你看了我的网上的照片，
很安慰你还记得我们的一起合拍的那唯一照片。
你说，你很失望，没看到那张照片。
我始终不想，把它放上网。
总觉得，那是我一个很美的回忆，
所以想私人收藏。
你和我要了那张相片，
说已经做成wallpaper。
我觉得很搞笑。
无论如何，和感谢你停流过。
也许，人越老越会珍惜身边的人与物。
但愿我们能再一次相见吧。
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Demoralised....
The colour explains my mood today, demoralised. I started on a high note, but i was badly demoralised today, wounded. Today marks the 3rd week of my PT. I was counting previously, i lost 2kgs in 2 weeks. With the rate i was going, i tot i should reach my first short term goal within this week. Alas, i was wrong. This week, my week remained stagnant, I did not lose any kg at all. What had happened?
I am not sure what i have done wrong. Could it be because my body got use to the exercise routine? Could it be because my menses are coming and i have water retention that contribute to the wt? Could it be i was eating too much outside food that i exceed my carbo intake daily? Could it be i had built up muscles and muscles weigh more than fats which explained the stagnant in weight? I had too much questions on my mind...it all boils down to why? Why was there no weight loss? Nothing could explain my disappointment.
I am not sure if it is a jinx. Usually, after i lost the 2nd kg, i will hit a plateau and i would start putting on weight. I certainly hope this is not happening. Whenever i announced to my fren that i had lost 2kg, i would start gaining all of them back. Is that happening now? I got really paranoid. My aim is to be 62kg or 60kg by chinese new year. However, the results this week really demoralised me. I feel so lousy.
I think i must review what i did last week. Not sure if it was due to too many unhealthy food i had. Whatever it was, i took salad with no carbo, so that should not be the case. Maybe this week, i would try to vary my exercise routine. By carrying more weights, challenging myself to the limits. I had been too lenient on myself, letting myself go if i cannot lift the weights. This week, i promised myself, no outside food, i will increase my intensity of weight training and i will start on progressive run and more variety of crunches.
I remember i still have 2 goals to fulfill. To achieve a sub 50 kg weight and to be a normal person. I cannot give up now, i must perserve....focus focus focus. Hopefully things will turn out to be better next week. Hopefully, i can make up for this week, by losing 2kgs in the next week. I will try to get down to some activity if time permits tmr.
Please do not disappoint me, i m not taking any shortcuts and i m working hard, please let me see the results i desire.......meanwhile i will continue to work hard. I will do anything to lose to the weight that i desire.....
I am not sure what i have done wrong. Could it be because my body got use to the exercise routine? Could it be because my menses are coming and i have water retention that contribute to the wt? Could it be i was eating too much outside food that i exceed my carbo intake daily? Could it be i had built up muscles and muscles weigh more than fats which explained the stagnant in weight? I had too much questions on my mind...it all boils down to why? Why was there no weight loss? Nothing could explain my disappointment.
I am not sure if it is a jinx. Usually, after i lost the 2nd kg, i will hit a plateau and i would start putting on weight. I certainly hope this is not happening. Whenever i announced to my fren that i had lost 2kg, i would start gaining all of them back. Is that happening now? I got really paranoid. My aim is to be 62kg or 60kg by chinese new year. However, the results this week really demoralised me. I feel so lousy.
I think i must review what i did last week. Not sure if it was due to too many unhealthy food i had. Whatever it was, i took salad with no carbo, so that should not be the case. Maybe this week, i would try to vary my exercise routine. By carrying more weights, challenging myself to the limits. I had been too lenient on myself, letting myself go if i cannot lift the weights. This week, i promised myself, no outside food, i will increase my intensity of weight training and i will start on progressive run and more variety of crunches.
I remember i still have 2 goals to fulfill. To achieve a sub 50 kg weight and to be a normal person. I cannot give up now, i must perserve....focus focus focus. Hopefully things will turn out to be better next week. Hopefully, i can make up for this week, by losing 2kgs in the next week. I will try to get down to some activity if time permits tmr.
Please do not disappoint me, i m not taking any shortcuts and i m working hard, please let me see the results i desire.......meanwhile i will continue to work hard. I will do anything to lose to the weight that i desire.....
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