Emotions

Another week had passed, time really flies. Perhaps there were to many holidays in Jan that i feel time just shot passed without me realising it. Just finished my introduction for my Personality essay. Was feeling good, becos i took shorter than expected time and also i tink personality was one of my strenghts. Giving myself a reward by listening to Rene Liu's 一次幸福的机会. Just indulging in the lyrics and the power of emotions.

Kind of like this song a lot for a few reasons. She was one of my fav singers, not tat she sang exceptionally well, but i guess she was a person wif inner substance, secondly, i cld relate to the songs, the pain of having giving up when u knew there was no outcome. For me, i was at peace wif myself these days where relationships were concerned. Guess i had grown much stronger than i expected to be. In the past, i yearned too much for a heart wrenching relationship, now i realised simplicity is a blessing. You shld not and do not need to feel a lot of pain, upset to be truly involved in a relationship, it cld be as simple as having the person by your side. I guess a lot of pple still haven understood the pt.

Was having a late conversation wif a fren the other day. She was always plauged wif relationship problems and it was kind of amazing how her emotions worked their way thru her. To me, she was a person who required lots and lots of love and attention, however, she was always putting on a false front that she dun need anybody, that she had planned her life alone and nobody shld try and disturb that peace. The bottom of the facade was she was afraid of getting hurt, her heart cld not take the pain. In my humble opinion, it was difficult to be involved in a relationship w/o feeling pain. It wld seem so superfical isnt it tat the other person was so "perfect" that he/she had nvr done anything to hurt you. At least to me. If you got yourself involved, you wld have expectations, and wif expectations, there are bounds to be pain. Like wat Rene Liu said, you have expectations becos you cld contribute, when the day came tat u cld not contribute anymore, u wld not have anymore expectations. Alas, having expectations after all may not be a bad thing, becos it was truly the emotions of "living", of experiencing things, but others seemed to be taking it so badly (myself for one), i guess life is all about finding the balance point. I wanted to find the point where i can give and have expectations, but if the expectations are not met, i wld not be too upset / disappointed over it. It is really tough, but is a process of self-discovery i guess.

Anyway, back to my the fren. she was consoling a fren who had a failed relationship wif the start of new year. i wld say it was a bad start, but cld truly understand the pain for it happened to me too. u began to analyse the whole thing, wat went wrong etc etc, and more often than not, tears wld start to roll. she got too emotional over it i guess to the extent of affecting herself whereas for me, i was overly calm over the whole incident. diff personalities i guess. she was tinking over her own relationship which ended 6 mths ago and which she saw no future. funni thing is, if u see no future, wldnt it be best to give it up and let time heal everything? otherwise, there wld be more pain to bear? perhaps tat is how i persuaded myself to give somebody up. i know wat it all means, it wasnt easy.....everything related to the other person, the times spent together wld become even clearer and then tears wld start rolling again...but i always believe time is a veri powerful element. it will make pple forget a lot of things, or make the sufferings seemed less painful and make gd things seem even more precious. mostly importantly, it has a limit, once the limt is passed, nothing else wld matter anymore.

To me, my time has passed.......no more pain and memories seem so distant......perhaps subconsciously i din wanna rem a lot of things, one gd thing that u can derive fr a failed relationship was that the next one wld be better. so i told my fren, by thinking tat way, maybe shld wld feel better, but she just cant seem to let him go....well, if u wanna be happy for urself and for him, u gotta let him go. if is meant to be urs, it will come back. hmm, i really wish she cld take my advice at times, no pt hanging to memories to live ur life, it wun make u happy. The important thing now is about the "Present", how to live your life fuly every moment and not hanging to lost love, failed relationships and enhancing your pains.

For tis fren of mine, i really hope you will have a gd start tis year. kinda of worry for ur health, worried abt ur mental state. cant really help u if u dun help urself. if u wanna be happy, learn to let go, take everything as part of growing up, learn to lick ur pain. I really wish, one day the person who cld save u fr salvation wld come and nurse u back into a healthy being.......May happiness be wif u always!