Good vs Evil

It's thursday, and to tell the truth, i m looking towards every thursday these days due to my Psych class. I tink the last few lessons had actually been stimulating, in terms of knowledge from the class as well as learning more abt myself. I tink it was the first time, i feel i m truly in a Psych class, learning more and more abt myself....really enjoy it. The downside of it was, my head was always in turmoil on the way back from school, thinking of the conversations i have had wif Sunflower earlier on.

It all started wif the chain of email exchanges we have and today the conversation started wif my job....frankly i wasnt too keen to talk abt my job becos it was so tiring to explain abt IT and concepts of OO. i guess i just wasnt a good lecturer where IT is concerned, anyway i admired her drive for learning, and she is forever so keen abt things happening around her. Then the conversation stemmed towards the direction of Forensic Psych which i was deeply interested in. I explained to her abt my motivation, which was wat drove pple into Psychopathology. We had the same concepts abt humans. Humans are innately good, however i put it in a negative way to explain it. I believed everyone of us cld become psychopaths if we lose our self-control, though we are good by nature, while she believe that humans are +ve beings. Then it all sparked off the good vs the bad / evil. She had a valid pt, Psychopathology is a veri dark area, an area where one will be led astray unless one had a strong willpower. However, i feel that was wat sparked off my interest. I always believed that if one had strong willpower, they will not turn to psychopath, meaning psychopaths are pple who lost their self-control and deviated from the normal good value systems. However, it was amazing that these pple who lost their self-control cld actually influence pple who are not so strong mentally and manipulate them. I tink i shocked her, becos it appeared i was such a "dark" person.

Honestly, just a few months ago, i really wanted to give up Psych, i was afraid i wld lose self control and became a "bad" person. I tink i was too engrossed into the world of Psych and i always think everyone has a "dark" side of their characteristics and if u did not suppress that "dark" side, it is easy to go the other way. However, i tink i managed to pick myself up from that mess, but of course i m worried. I studied Psych to help pple, not to harm pple. So today, by having a conversation wif Sunflower, she really sparked off tis issue of Good vs Evil. To me, there is a thin line of difference between them, and each of us will view an incident differently, there are so many areas to consider, so it is easy to deviate from one side to another. I tink i have truly aroused her interest in me. But she hit the nail twice wifin that short conversation, she cld tell i m a philosopical person and not many pple cld understand my tots. It was kinda of scary.

Recently i looked back in the frens i have and i realise not even my two best frens cld understand me or my tots. At times, i tend to pose thought poking questions to them which stimulated them, but it was funny tat they nvr tot of these things. More importantly, i tink i tend to share more of my tots abt the world, abt pple to them than the other way. Sometimes i really wonder if i m normal. Tat explained the helplessness feeling i experienced at times tat no one cld understand or share my tots, and tat also explained the loneliness feeling i have at times. Maybe i really tink too much.

Sunflower also posed another interesting question. Why was pple also so interested in the -ve aspects of life if human is innately +ve/good? My ans wld be there was nothing much to study abt the gd things. The "bad" things made studies interesting or challenging. My pt is by finding out how pple deviated to the bad side of things, is easier to curb them rather enforcing the positive things abt them. Prevention is always better than cure.

I dunno if i m normal, but sometimes i tink i m afraid by having these kinds of weird tots. I truly wanted to be "good" person. However, it seemed pple ard me din seem to be experiencing the same things and i worried myself by tinking too much abt pple's nature. Perhaps i was gifted in a particular way which i have not realised it yet. Really hope Sunflower cld ans some of my questions. She looked so amazed at my perception abt things.

Anyway, it's been a tiring day today. Hopefully after meeting up wif her after exams, i cld understand myself better. Truly, i have made somebody interested in knowing me.