Another Thursday

As i was writing this, the part of the world where i was coming from was celebrating the lunar new year eve. Just had a reunion dinner wif my folks. Having helped out for the first time in cooking, tis year is really a bit different. Anyway, i m not sure if i will be at home next lunar new year eve, so is impt that i enjoyed the every bit of it. The feelings of having to spend the most impt chinese festival alone indeed spelled loneliness to me...but well, who knows what next year has in store for me.

Had another gd thursday in the week that just passed. Was a bit sad and reluctant that this semester flew so fast. It was the last lesson for my summer module tis sem and i hated to say goodbye to Sunflower. But well, everything has to come to an end, isn't it? I still rem the first time i saw her, she took over the lesson from the previous lecturer who was not competent enough. Well, i tot, another change. Never had any strong feelings for her except tat she was one of the better ones who cld teach. Never did i tot she wld become my inspiration for this particular tough module. It all started wif her approaching me abt the lessons, wat was taught the previous week and the questions abt assignments. Gradually we became frens thru emails exchanges. Guess something good really came out of the course tis semester.

Stayed back to chat wif her after the last class. Talked abt a lot of things, abt her aspirations, her rejections she suffered in Psych, her tots abt the course. Hmm, she was truly a high flier in Psych and possibly in her academic achievements. She scored 7 HDs and 3 Ds. I was like wow, she is fantastic. But to be honest, she was rite, scoring HDs was not difficult. For me it was difficult becos i had problems wif the writings. She was really nice in that aspect and humble. She told me i cld actually approach her for my last module where writings are concerned and she will help me out. Well, as the teaching guidelines said, the lecturer was not supposed to vet the student's writings. But wat she said make sense. If she was not teaching that module, there wld not be any conflicts. Felt tat she was really helpful. For my part, i wld definitely approach her though it was gg to be my last module and an elective at tat, but that doesnt mean i will slack.

I began to tink she was sent by God to tell me to persist on in Psych. At this juncture, my career was actually taking off and i was actually tinking of pursuing my career rather than Psych. But looking at her attitude and her achievements, it made me had second tots. No doubt the job i had now was wat i had been waiting for for a long long time, and no doubt i was deeply appreciated in the company and highly looked up upon, but something seemed to be missing. Upon inspection, i tink the satisfaction of helping pple and myself was missing. Yes, i was satisfied to be able to build systems, to do wat others deemed as impossible, but i feel i was not getting in touch wif myself and wif others, not learning more abt "life". Whereas in Psych, everything i learnt, i cld apply it and learn abt myself, the pple ard me and life itself, my career just gave me the "technical" satisfaction. I was worried i was not able to feed myself if i switched to Psych, but seeing how Sunflower overcame all the obstacles and being happy wif herself, i felt i cld do the same. She was rite, if i wanted to do it, i cld. However the desire encompassed a lot of things, including sacrifices. I wld not be earning as much i wld now, meaning i have to cut back on my luxurious travelling plans. But i will be happy. I remembered i once said, after all the travelling, i wld get sick of it, till then i will have to find other alternatives. So it seemed, if i do Psych, i wld be in touch wif myself and in touch wif "life". Perhaps thru her, i really see wat i wanted for myself. Perhaps God feel i should persist on and do what i really wanted and be happy.

I tink i m really lucky to have met her. After more than 20 years of studying, i finally saw an inspiring teacher who gives me the ray of hope. I feel she had made great sacrifices to fulfill her dreams. If she cld do it, so cld I. So it stayed for now that i will be pursuing Psych. Perhaps after i grad in June and if i have the spare time, i will sit in for some of the classes that i been thru and find out new things abt myself.

In the new year to come, i promise myself that i will be happy always, wif less expectations, be an inspiration to others and become a better person.

I m sure i will stay in touch wif Sunflower for a long long time, perhaps even till the time i leave for my dreams. Thank you Lady, you have truly been wonderful!